THE SECOND HALF

getting clearer on what this second half of life is about for me

after 40 days of clean living i developed a low level chest cold, which i am guessing is another layer of pot detox, since the main symptoms was night sweats, a sign of kidney system weakness, and lung discharge

woke today with newfound clarity on many levels, such as why in recent years i have been involved in the activities in the realms of dancing, tantra, polyamory, zen, prayer, yoga, pot, travel, music, empathy, and conspiracy

essentially when one is young and virile, it is fine and even good to be loose and explore many things, have fun and find your way

in one's forties, there is a certain need for renewal in order to remain fully alive, creative and growing

it is these various activites have been what i have been guided to in recent years, and while they have all had their shares of ups and downs, they have provided a way to maintain a living soul

pot is just such a synergistic satisfier, meeting so many needs so rapidly, that other practices tended to fall by the wayside for me, leaving me ultimately less capable and confused by this, dependent and wanting little else

what i realized this morning is that i can utilize all these other non-dependency-forming practices that have come and gone in the meantime, the internal tantra practice particularly and likely yoga also offering great energetic motivation with which to live one's life, remain open and curious of others, courageous and loving

and i felt liberated by this sense, and the idea i won't need to live ther rest of my life hibernating from the world in the basement listening to espn radio

then i saw don schraeder as one of the few walkers along with myself on sliver amidst this morning's cold, who i think has a lot of things right in his idiosyncratically personal activist lifestyle, writing letters to the editor extolling vegetables and holding up signs about gay love in front of unm

and while i'm not gay, i thought maybe a more vegetarian approach is also coming down the pike at some point here too, whether or not i walk down central nearly naked in summer is yet to be determined