yet another embarrassing blog

its weird

i have nothing but stupidity for a brain

still

i think its being in love

and spring and all that

suffering and bliss

-----

there IS a deepening of reflection lately

and a concurrent magnetism

so that is useful--

returning to the muse

i am grieving in a way

and still insisting on living life to its fullest

strange new dialogues

the cia guy getting caught

trying to give al qaeda fisslie material

for the next false flag catastrophe

the truth of things is becoming obvious

to much of the world

the US shadow government

at the end of its empire

godspeed

-----

chasing 22 year olds

around and around their littlest finger

is of no use

but i continue

a vaguely humorous cartoon character called

Midlife

changes his look and hair every week

thinks he's some kind of philosopher

has vastly underachieved in this life

by any measurable

standard

-----

Next blog:

Was Mom's family Illuminati?

obviously

-----

i'm glad there are older stoners in the world

my age at least

there is a shared understanding

of pleasure

and laughter

by most people who get into weed

or beer

that's why i am not interested

in anything else

too heavy and serious

okay i admit

one way or another

i am ready for some serious hallucinating

where these imaginings of the better world

i have lived for all my life

come somehow

closer

manmade eclipse

rather than putting my forehead through a wall

in a good way last night

i shaved

but only my mustache

and hauled my bones in the general direction

of the saturday night ecstatic dance group

------

having a little extra time on the way

i meandered through nob hill

and into il bar next to scalos

a very nice atmosphere tempted me to stay

and take in the unobstructed view

of english premier soccer on the big screen

with a fat pint for company

i took a raincheck

and walked out to find

layered shades of cloudy night indigo

as some spring storm descended on us

and cars passed on central

oblivious

i took to my van as the winds arose

sitting parked in the front coop lot

has to be one of the premier places to just be around here

especially when gale force winds start to shake the walls

reconnecting me with an interesting freedom i learned in o b

the simplicity of sitting in a parked van

------

finally i took off to ace hardware

beneath which there turns out to be a nice little dance floor

just in from the parking garage

adding to the hint of an underground thing going on

i danced a great deal with the floor

rolling and connecting with the healing power of gravity

joints and air and floor combining

along with some excellent music

like cat stevens updated peace train with massive african-sounding drums and harmony vocals

some lovely exchanges along the way

and pizza at dions after with a few dancers

also surprisingly nice

leading to the prototypical burque photo op:

luscious glowing full moon just up over the horizon

still below the urban power lines

and just to the left of the big bank building

it disappeared behind as we walked

yet continuing to send its coronal glow

around the sides

Springtime

it is firmly established to be

Springtime

the winds are blowing dirt on everyone at a pretty steady 20 mph

and I am noticing women a lot

there was a beautiful Japanese woman in the store today probably about my age who smiled very big as I told her I couldn't find any birds' nests

a couple of coworkers are seeming more interesting

and one of them sticks her tongue out at me

which is always an excellent sign

in Springtime

note that i have not cut my hair

and i feel good about this

people project on me all day long

but the messier i look

the better i feel

and i am tired of not

dancing

2 am note

riding the tantric edge of paradoxically maximum satisfaction by breathing into the accelerating tempo rather than clinging or forcing or controlling, i have no demands and but one request: that my life serve the great working-through that is contact-improv-dancing its way along as we learn to play out all our projections with love and harmonious growth

hey bro

i am tired in an odd way
extremely present and spacey at the same time
sleeping on a train
if you can call it that
is a new-to-me form
of alteration

now hoofing across town to the hostel
chores done
friends well met
crushes contacted
studio time booked

i still don't know what to make of the entirety of things
cosmic rays and all that
brother can you spare a kiva

yet the mind moves

_____

closeness is interesting

i feel the aliveness of the ocean
my senses awoke with the moist air of the train station
through which i could smell the earth

even though it was
invisible in all directions from the platform

all the pain all the fatigue
all the longing all the moments
occur now

as i breathe at least once an hour
when i remember to

everything that happens
happens today