who told you

who told you
that you could not heal a lifetime of woe in this very moment

that it was better to play small
and compromise your dreams for a booby prize

who was it that advised you
to never be bold

that your righteous love would be punished
and where has it gotten you

who said
you were to age to a creaky halt

never to run your marathon
or manifest your innermost hope of love

who thought to say
it would not be you to defeat the fascists

without lifting a single armament
yet with one flap of a butterfly's wings

who told you to be quiet
that behaving and going along with the lies

would be of any use
or could buy you even one more moment

did you think
you were too old to start anew

growing food for a living
or on some other clean and moral calling

would you doubt that a boy
could live without food

if he was fierce enough to set his mind to it
and then simply run for his life

wasn't it Jesus who said
while preparing to depart

that with faith
you could do even greater things than these

who said it was
better to keep quiet

than to look like a fool
accidently declaring your most shameful secret

who was it
advising you that you might be better off

compounding a weak-willed lie
with a lifetime of covering up

why then do you not speak out
against the violence of a government

killing children around the world
for a greasy dollar bill

don't you realize
the sanctity of your autonomy

cannot be stolen even at gunpoint
surrounded by a death camp's barbed wire

then why would you doubt
the miracles that are in store

for your very life
and this magical Earth

and when will you speak out
and claim what is yours

by the very nature of your existence
which is rooted in the Creator's love

for didn't Jesus also say
if you bring forth

that which is within you
it will save you

who told you otherwise...
all I can tell you here

is that it certainly
wasn't me

the road

It seems no one blogs anymore. Of all the blogs I used to follow, no one has posted a thing in five weeks. Is it because there is no longer any time in our lives, or is something else?

I too have felt hardly a stirring to post an essay as of late. For me, it is that, in a sense, there is nothing much to say. With events in the world seemingly accelerating to a point of maximum chaos, there is no longer any context to say anything meaningful. What seems meaningful one day is completely obsolete with the new information that has arisen 24 hours later.

Like many of you, I am taking this holiday season to retreat to familial comforts. Here perhaps we can find some continuity and some meaning. We have our rituals and patterns of relating that make sense to us. We will arise to the same surroundings and people tomorrow that we saw yesterday. Perhaps this is particularly comforting to travelers like myself.

I have been away from steady work for over four months now. Yes, time flies. I am grateful for this time, the last month in particular, wherein I have been able to catch up on deep healing sleep and regular home-cooking. My family has been very generous with their wayward member in these matters.

My travel plans are on hold at the moment. One reason is that I have run out of savings. Here in the states,  between hostels and eating, it is easy to spend $50 a day on the road. Hence, the money I had did not go nearly so far as it might have elsewhere. I spent time in Santa Fe, Albuquerque, San Diego and Portland, before arriving here in my family environs in northern California. In each successive stop, my efforts at finding work have grown more serious. I am more than ready to work at this point. So between my economics, and the fact that it's off-season to farm, I'm back in the world of fluorescent lights and background checks. I feel it is likely my application at a local big box retailer here will come through.

When I packed up from Santa Fe, I was actually headed for Nicaragua, with summer work clothes and tickets in hand. Following intuition, the road leading me here has been an interesting set of clockwise spins. It turns out my mother is undergoing some pretty serious medical treatment, so it is very good that I am here. And this is the bigger reason I will postpone getting out of the political nightmare this nation has become. Money doesn't matter much really, nor do any personal plans for this or that.

Dharma matters.

today's song

i feel the sadness of leaving again
and i just want to say

we all get to go to the global picnic

ah the sweet pain of having risked too much
this too shall pass

for it is time to risk the honesty
of being big

big enough to make requests
for the world we wish to see

it is better to overshoot
the bliss of this life

land in respectable agony
and get back up

to catch the next wave

-----

look around
we are here!

sure we know
capitalism cannot last

but we don't know for sure
what comes next

i can only say i am
immensely optimistic

every day
i meet more awakened souls

let us continue to remember ourselves
to one another

and grow the good food
with our own seeds

washed down with dancing
and the finest hugs

energetic libations abound
and i have 100 percent confidence

in the Source field
manifesting infinitely

Now

precipice

i no longer know who i am
but we shall see

this is a time of change
and i am changing fast

i am saying yes
to trying to relocate

to a city i have never been
with about $600

i am scared of being too old now
to get work right away

i am scared of not finding friends
and of running out of money of course

it has been a good rest from work
but at 3 1/2 months too long now

i am not comfortable with unemployment
no matter how sovereign i try to be

i get bored with work
but more bored without money

trapped in the endless system of debt
it is easy to lose esteem

and the subtle pot addictions all around
confound my loneliness

sad but pressing on northward
i don't know why

but it is what i have been seeing
a life beyond the crumbling city

and beyond the searing desert
where things can grow

i can always retrace here to a backyard tent
or there to a spare room in the south valley

for now let me learn to not worry
to have the experience of trying

with good energy to resettle
the next couple weeks

into a new land
community

home