touched

a rich day+

foreman for a wild ride getting ready for a big boss visit, directing 30 people in numerous tasks amidst ridiculous overstock, the priority of course always staying positive which is effected by remaining detached from taking anything too personally, and receiving some very solid support

hence success

after some errands with the landlord and a nap, received a deeply moving massage with one of my favorite therapists in town, nearly beyond words, felt such compassion connection and love, all in nonverbal touch, like gosh someone understands how it is to reckon with this life, along with a couple mini spinal self-adjustments which came through deeply releasing breath while being touched, I was very close to tears of beauty much of the time, and afterwards heard how she always enjoys working with me for she gets to remember just why she does this work, then just walking cathedral park around in a renewed experience of being in the body, now the back is much more integrated, and rather than being tweaked is just a bit sore in a healing way

hallelujah

stopped by the first crew-party of the summer season, in honor of the departure of one of the sweetest people there, heading off to India and possibly Nepal, to go teach photography to girls there to empower their visioning in the world, so I went for the hugs and to just say ciao, and of course it was a great little party with a number of awesome fellow misfits (whose ways, I'd venture to say, make even my worst habits look rather tame), so I hung a bit over one very nicely done mojito, shared lots of laughter, took off around the time large glass objects appeared, and home to finish the day with a couchsurfing invitation and this blog, before hoping to get five hours sleep before tomorrow's next 4 am adventure in running a crew

feeling grateful

---------------

much easier day today...and for the first time in a while (weeks? months?), I am able to imagine continued enjoyment living here in Santa Fe, at least for the near term: things have settled back into a rhythm with the landlord that I enjoy, and the place is just lovely in the summer; work is fun, my contributions are appreciated, and the prospects for something like a career are good; add some slightly rowdier friends to play with, the possibility of some loving, and an occasional deep healing experience...and this place suddenly looks much more sustainable to me!

celebrating wholeness

Italian zen punk future in NY

yeah I think the soulmate thing was way too serious no?

I like the alt.country song approach to the matter more
the alt. a little punk in its attitude toward country
which kinda works for punkish zen me

another reason I like Albuquerque
and Berlin for that matter:
leather, attitude and a thinly disguised incompetence

song-wise the key is to
instead of avoiding cliches
throw every cliche you have ever dreamed of
into the work

one unending string as it were

(can't wait for an open mike!)

--------------------

ah there goes the sacrum
clicking back into alignment
yay!

with suddenly improved posture
still more to go
posture helps a lot of things yep

I have such a broader range of expression
than I tend to utilize most of the time

lots of folks in here

and it really bores me
to be so well behaved

I would be happy being a lot louder
and a lot more Italian

----------------

I talked to a fellow New Yorker
at the store today
a coworker

gosh was it relaxing
just to talk

bizarre
but it really is a completely different rhythm
I just opened up about everything
feelings family relationships whatevah

even my accent came back
a little bit

she told me some pretty amazing stories
about how the NY stores operate

very interesting
and I guess the Brooklyn store
is in some cool old bank
and they use a huge old vault for storage

--------------

hmmm...Brooklyn
I visited a couple years ago
it has gotten very awesome

pricey, but hey I can commute
imagine living rather than in the SF-ABQ commute

in the Island-Brooklyn commute
I think the mid-Island line might go to the right part of Brooklyn too
awesomeness

now that would be some serious traveling
wow kind of like going home
to a place I've never lived

(for the record
I understand I was conceived
in Flatbush)

------------------

here in Santa Fe tomorrow I am the foreman
and I think I need to forewarn people that

I'd like your support
in my attempts to regain my natural voice back
I am a sometimes loud, expressive Italian
don't take it personally

and please refrain from the
mocking of my accent
do not call me Joey
I will kick your ass

once my back and hernia get to healin'

hernia-healing and other current events

today
just moments ago
I realized I have a hernia

I knew my back was out
and sometimes these things go together
in the splendor that is the male human body

I suppose it's personal info
but so be it
I am a person

(and why do I continue to pursue
this penchant
for writing in threes?)

----------

the hernia I will heal
as I have healed before
as the back
as the wrist
as the knee
the shoulder even

I have either torn
or broken
pretty much everything I have

so that my body is now completely
even in its traumatization
and this has the surprising effect
of energizing the chi

(all I got left?)

-------------

yes I have endured numerous
a nearly infinite number
of injuries

each of which would have put
I would say 90%
of others in the hospital
for surgery

and yes I feel quite macho about it
I guess hernias are macho too
its a bizarre aspect of my personality

(cursedly blessed I suppose
we Italians
and who could have envisioned a paisano in this
body?)

----------------

I just called the current love interest
we both seem quite happy to be getting to know each other
and both of us would enjoy spending more time together

so that's fun
feeling a ton less attached today
I figure to go back and forth a while

and then she'll find a lover
and things will finally be clear to me

(perhaps I should edit more?)

-------------

ah yes the hernia
already feeling better

I made myself laugh
with my own foolishness
such a gift I have to entertain myself

and laughter is very healing

(now to work on the back!)

soulmate notes

after I confessed the depth of my interest in you

I heard you say what you need right now are friends
so it was fun to be your drinking buddy for a night

there's just one thing you said next
that has reverberated in my musings

and that is how you could see
responding to the arrival of your soulmate
and the clarity of that in your life

having already established the friendship thing
I understood you to mean you don't see me in that way

(and is it a feeling, a perception, a knowing, a certainty, a timing?
are there soulmate prerequisites and a manual you can point me to?)

I guess there are other possible interpretations as well
a challenge to keep away the ne'er-do-well
and the faint-of-heart
those unwilling to climb into the lion's den for you

and as usual something arrived for me to say
only about eight hours delayed

__________________

I wouldn't have approached you
with my interest...

if we hadn't shared conversations
synchronistic from the start

if the first hadn't seen you arrive at the end of a paragraph
searching for a word which I filled in
having written a poem about it that day

if the second hadn't been when I spoke about
my connection to raven
and you of your raven clan membership

if in the third where you spoke of the domestic dream
of husband, family and land
along with your growing doubt about it arriving
all of which I know so well

if you hadn't continued on paralleling my world
about your commitment to now turn to that
instinct you have carried to instead
offer healing to the world

if there hadn't also been times we have
been together and not conversed also

if I hadn't twice so enjoyed cooking for you
or twice played music you danced to

if we hadn't shared quiet time on a hike
or I hadn't attended to your tears

________________________

I've been wrong before
and maybe it's already too heavy to pursue

I don't know if these matters are preordained
or consciously decided upon and chosen

or emerge from a mutual commitment
to awaken one's vision to such a possibility

I don't know if I would know immediately
or by any particular point in time

and while I lean toward taking it all more lightly
amidst this negotiable sometimes-shared
lasagne known as reality

I guess that my heart must be opening
for two ravens circle serenely together today outside my window
and fool that I am I suddenly cry

is it too late to say it:
I wouldn't have approached you with my interest...

if I didn't think we might be
soulmates