1. move to baton rouge, wash dishes, learn the cajun music genre and language inside out, perhaps eventually developing global-dance-groove six-piece band
2. take a rossiter workshop and offer unlicensed deep tissue bodywork education, perhaps eventually attending maui massage school and rolf institute in boulder
3. do permaculture-related projects and simple gardening, learn about bioremediation
4. develop a livelihood based on the practice of nonviolent communication and related technologies, perhaps kickstarted by attending the manskes' compassionate leadership program
5. get van, meet hippie gal, go traveling
6. learn to surf while becoming full-timer, since i need money to do any of the above anyway
7. start a hospitality house for homeless, proselytize for the dismantling of the exploitative economic system destroying life on the planet
8. move to Germany or Holland and adopt completely new European identity, drink better beer
9. develop excellent income generating new age website, become part-time guru
10. become an ascetic vegan psychic healer through a thorough year-long detox, spend more time in forests
11. join commune
12. double income working just one month a year, helping with northern california harvest season
13. go back to school and become a teacher
Monday, June 14, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
remodel
the locals call it june gloom: overcast for two weeks straight, ocean all chopped up, today's wind making it feel more like berlin than southern california, replete with dogcrap on the sidewalks, but with the added addition of the roaring planes seemingly ready to strafe my house from their rising birdseye view of it
it is day eight of the eight-day work run, and i am in that gnarly place familiar to crewmembers, where sheer caffeinated aggression channeled through a grimacing smile will have any hope of getting one through the day, that is if you don't accidentally smash out all of the large front windows of the store first
today is the first day i feel the full regret of moving here, leaving behind people who liked me, a cush work schedule and the rest, but i've left and returned to new mexico so many times i am not even considering the option of returning, bringing up instead the question of where to next?
if i stay with tj, i'd think it would be portland, but the when makes no sense, since i'll have to put in a year or so here before another transfer would seem legit, and by then i'll surely be deeper in the radical impatience of this midlife crisis, wanting desperately to manifest one of these lingering dreams before it rots on the vine of mediocrity and old age
which leads me to conclude that despite having the best job left in the destroyed economy of a hollowing-out empire, the time is now to try and manifest these idiotic pipe dreams i hold
even if it means once again kicking out the windows of this useless sensitive persona i've evolved, and instead becoming a karma-wielding plastic shaman, with a used-car salesman-spiel, and dollar signs pinned to my tantric sarong
or otherwise become one of these shell-eyed drifters on newport avenue, wandering hand outstretched from beach to coffeeshop, the bedroll betraying knowledge of some secret semi-safe hiding-hole
under june gloom
it is day eight of the eight-day work run, and i am in that gnarly place familiar to crewmembers, where sheer caffeinated aggression channeled through a grimacing smile will have any hope of getting one through the day, that is if you don't accidentally smash out all of the large front windows of the store first
today is the first day i feel the full regret of moving here, leaving behind people who liked me, a cush work schedule and the rest, but i've left and returned to new mexico so many times i am not even considering the option of returning, bringing up instead the question of where to next?
if i stay with tj, i'd think it would be portland, but the when makes no sense, since i'll have to put in a year or so here before another transfer would seem legit, and by then i'll surely be deeper in the radical impatience of this midlife crisis, wanting desperately to manifest one of these lingering dreams before it rots on the vine of mediocrity and old age
which leads me to conclude that despite having the best job left in the destroyed economy of a hollowing-out empire, the time is now to try and manifest these idiotic pipe dreams i hold
even if it means once again kicking out the windows of this useless sensitive persona i've evolved, and instead becoming a karma-wielding plastic shaman, with a used-car salesman-spiel, and dollar signs pinned to my tantric sarong
or otherwise become one of these shell-eyed drifters on newport avenue, wandering hand outstretched from beach to coffeeshop, the bedroll betraying knowledge of some secret semi-safe hiding-hole
under june gloom
Friday, June 4, 2010
new blog research
Hi all!
It's been dawning on me that I am ready to develop a new web log. I am looking for a format that supports me contributing something more useful to the public sphere. This involves taking readers' needs more into account than this current one.
Raven, my first attempt at this medium, was originally intended to convey something of a transformational medicine--an alchemical meditation--I have developed piecemeal over a few decades. Having practiced it internally for so long, I have craved to make sense of it by translating it into understandable terms. And to make use of it, by sharing the best of what I have gathered along the way, in service of collective paradigm-shifting.
Raven has been so loosely defined that I end up often indulging in subjective arrogance without useful context and negativity that falls short of transformation. Even when presenting something resembling wisdom, I fear there's often been a lopsided subjectivity that fails to clearly connect with any recognizable phenomena at the root of a given intellectual inquiry.
I want to address a few questions more directly. In a world still so full of delusion-based violence and destruction, haven't we all also glimpsed the benevolent world so tantalizingly near to being born? Where does our inner work intersect with the world's need? How do we offer the medicine that we each bring most effectively to the tasks at hand?
I love David Byrne's blog, reporting on bicycling-related activism he is involved with around the world. It merges seamlessly his global cycling adventures, with existential musings on how cycling intersects with other aspects of the human condition, from ecological circumstances to architectural evolution. Photos accompany his online presentation, creating a brilliant and fun and useful and ever fascinating shared journey with his readers.
That's what I'm talkin' about!
So far I am considering a literary blog, presenting excerpts of transformational literature whose words I have been mentored by, along with the journeys they take me on. I'm thinking for example of the words of giants King, Gandhi, and Kennedy, authors Vonnegut, Nietzsche, Arendt, Tolstoy, Huxley, along with lyricists Utah Phillips, Robert Hunter, gurus Marshall Rosenberg, and other transformational postmodern writers I encounter along the way.
Along with rooting my own ideas in the experiential questions others have reckoned with, this would support my continuing self-education and exploration of new ideas, tuition-free! But the main benefit would be to present the overarching idea that there is a river of life-supporting wisdom we are all privy to, if we but look for it. And just as we can receive what we may need from this river, some of the most important work we may do in this life is to also put into the river. And just as Tolstoy could not forsee who might benefit from his words a century later, we may also find the sublime beauty in the experience of contributing without ever knowing who may find our offerings useful downstream.
I am not yet certain whether this approach may be a subcontext of the new blog, monitoring the movements of the cresting global wave of consciousness...2012, systemic breakdown, anarchic self-regulating new social arrangements, local color, daily practices, reSource-ful remembrances, global music, empathy-based relations, the connectedness of things, deep ecology and bioremediation, and such. Surely there is juice in all this: is there enough of a focus as to be interesting?
Your thoughts and comments are most welcome--
It's been dawning on me that I am ready to develop a new web log. I am looking for a format that supports me contributing something more useful to the public sphere. This involves taking readers' needs more into account than this current one.
Raven, my first attempt at this medium, was originally intended to convey something of a transformational medicine--an alchemical meditation--I have developed piecemeal over a few decades. Having practiced it internally for so long, I have craved to make sense of it by translating it into understandable terms. And to make use of it, by sharing the best of what I have gathered along the way, in service of collective paradigm-shifting.
Raven has been so loosely defined that I end up often indulging in subjective arrogance without useful context and negativity that falls short of transformation. Even when presenting something resembling wisdom, I fear there's often been a lopsided subjectivity that fails to clearly connect with any recognizable phenomena at the root of a given intellectual inquiry.
I want to address a few questions more directly. In a world still so full of delusion-based violence and destruction, haven't we all also glimpsed the benevolent world so tantalizingly near to being born? Where does our inner work intersect with the world's need? How do we offer the medicine that we each bring most effectively to the tasks at hand?
I love David Byrne's blog, reporting on bicycling-related activism he is involved with around the world. It merges seamlessly his global cycling adventures, with existential musings on how cycling intersects with other aspects of the human condition, from ecological circumstances to architectural evolution. Photos accompany his online presentation, creating a brilliant and fun and useful and ever fascinating shared journey with his readers.
That's what I'm talkin' about!
So far I am considering a literary blog, presenting excerpts of transformational literature whose words I have been mentored by, along with the journeys they take me on. I'm thinking for example of the words of giants King, Gandhi, and Kennedy, authors Vonnegut, Nietzsche, Arendt, Tolstoy, Huxley, along with lyricists Utah Phillips, Robert Hunter, gurus Marshall Rosenberg, and other transformational postmodern writers I encounter along the way.
Along with rooting my own ideas in the experiential questions others have reckoned with, this would support my continuing self-education and exploration of new ideas, tuition-free! But the main benefit would be to present the overarching idea that there is a river of life-supporting wisdom we are all privy to, if we but look for it. And just as we can receive what we may need from this river, some of the most important work we may do in this life is to also put into the river. And just as Tolstoy could not forsee who might benefit from his words a century later, we may also find the sublime beauty in the experience of contributing without ever knowing who may find our offerings useful downstream.
I am not yet certain whether this approach may be a subcontext of the new blog, monitoring the movements of the cresting global wave of consciousness...2012, systemic breakdown, anarchic self-regulating new social arrangements, local color, daily practices, reSource-ful remembrances, global music, empathy-based relations, the connectedness of things, deep ecology and bioremediation, and such. Surely there is juice in all this: is there enough of a focus as to be interesting?
Your thoughts and comments are most welcome--
Thursday, June 3, 2010
on privacy and love
this one was just for me
and i guess that's the problem
with both empathic networks
and our own jackally minds
finding the space for acceptance
amidst those manifestations of values
we really don't enjoy
________
love's a terror
that way
it finds us safe and warm
in our most private spaces
nurtures us
and then releases us to the winds
of one another's unfinished business
________
i am sure there is a middle ground
somewhere
where we take responsibility
for staying grounded amidst the wonder
and find enough freedom
to be ourselves
that we are willing to grant it
to another
________
realizing beyond the personal
that it is a matter of caring
for one another's souls
may we grant it in abundance
and i guess that's the problem
with both empathic networks
and our own jackally minds
finding the space for acceptance
amidst those manifestations of values
we really don't enjoy
________
love's a terror
that way
it finds us safe and warm
in our most private spaces
nurtures us
and then releases us to the winds
of one another's unfinished business
________
i am sure there is a middle ground
somewhere
where we take responsibility
for staying grounded amidst the wonder
and find enough freedom
to be ourselves
that we are willing to grant it
to another
________
realizing beyond the personal
that it is a matter of caring
for one another's souls
may we grant it in abundance
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
clearing
back from the nietzschean edge
listening to another reminder of my bipolar history
albeit subclinical
another band i like that i freaked out on
i hope everyone forgives my arrogance
feeling better after some serious coffee
good work structure and naps
attending to the anger i was stuffing
the fear underneath
and the sadness under that
________________
all i can say is that i need to take responsibility
for managing my sensitivity
do people smile more in off season
or am i here to learn to be the front man
mostly i realized self-centered pleasure-chasing
wears itself out after a month
on top of weird work schedules
and sleep disruptions
the trafficky urban world
and nothing much communal going on
i could find no remembrances
____________
in a world of oil-poisoned waters
accelerated aging and hormonal disruption
and wars that don't end
the place i will find myself at home
will likely be marked much more by unmet need than met
and less-selfish more-shared dreams
i guess new places stimulate learning
what matters is obvious:
the opportunities one takes
to be of service to others
to support the beauty-vision for the world
dancing in the midst
to attend to Life
listening to another reminder of my bipolar history
albeit subclinical
another band i like that i freaked out on
i hope everyone forgives my arrogance
feeling better after some serious coffee
good work structure and naps
attending to the anger i was stuffing
the fear underneath
and the sadness under that
________________
all i can say is that i need to take responsibility
for managing my sensitivity
do people smile more in off season
or am i here to learn to be the front man
mostly i realized self-centered pleasure-chasing
wears itself out after a month
on top of weird work schedules
and sleep disruptions
the trafficky urban world
and nothing much communal going on
i could find no remembrances
____________
in a world of oil-poisoned waters
accelerated aging and hormonal disruption
and wars that don't end
the place i will find myself at home
will likely be marked much more by unmet need than met
and less-selfish more-shared dreams
i guess new places stimulate learning
what matters is obvious:
the opportunities one takes
to be of service to others
to support the beauty-vision for the world
dancing in the midst
to attend to Life
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
manic reflections
i understand these self-centered rants may be of no interest to anyone, but maybe they help define some useful direction for future journaling, or more effective courses of action in general
it occurs to me that my most brilliant thoughts are also the most arrogant, and point to the ultimate futility of the intellectual process as nothing more than projection, the very quality of insightfulness in direct proportion to its relation to my own underlying unmet needs
like the weekend's work within which i was part of an apparent paradigm wherein i am not acknowledged as a human being, leading me to thus bloggingly disavow others' inherent spiritual nature
it is obvious i have entered the first stages of a culture shock, in which i do not understand the rules of engagement or how to meet my needs amidst them, unclear of whether my triggers are primarily based in issues of gender, status, economics, or general awareness of one another's mutual interiority
the prior gestalt likely simply being a restatement of the original gestalt in this life, how sexuality determines a significant percentage of manifestation on this earth, leading to the particular irony of middle age wherein testosterone must be expressed in order to maintain individual health, yet leads to all kinds of increasing conflict within and without
there seems to be a battle looming, for the very right to maintain the vitality of this physical form, along with an indeterminate amount of space for its individual personality, in hopes that sublime caginess may help me manifest but one of these myriad dream-ships impossibly-conflicted, under-provisioned, bottled up, and leaking in the harbor
in a deaf ninth-symphony sublimation or some less grandiose contribution beyond these tatters of an empire i have long ago discarded
it occurs to me that my most brilliant thoughts are also the most arrogant, and point to the ultimate futility of the intellectual process as nothing more than projection, the very quality of insightfulness in direct proportion to its relation to my own underlying unmet needs
like the weekend's work within which i was part of an apparent paradigm wherein i am not acknowledged as a human being, leading me to thus bloggingly disavow others' inherent spiritual nature
it is obvious i have entered the first stages of a culture shock, in which i do not understand the rules of engagement or how to meet my needs amidst them, unclear of whether my triggers are primarily based in issues of gender, status, economics, or general awareness of one another's mutual interiority
the prior gestalt likely simply being a restatement of the original gestalt in this life, how sexuality determines a significant percentage of manifestation on this earth, leading to the particular irony of middle age wherein testosterone must be expressed in order to maintain individual health, yet leads to all kinds of increasing conflict within and without
there seems to be a battle looming, for the very right to maintain the vitality of this physical form, along with an indeterminate amount of space for its individual personality, in hopes that sublime caginess may help me manifest but one of these myriad dream-ships impossibly-conflicted, under-provisioned, bottled up, and leaking in the harbor
in a deaf ninth-symphony sublimation or some less grandiose contribution beyond these tatters of an empire i have long ago discarded
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