diffusion

I have a hard time making decisions these days. It is an issue that has come and gone in my life--pretty big these days. The trouble is that I have little cognitive clarity. I don't know if it is exacerbated being back up here in the thin air of Santa Fe. I can hardly enunciate a clear thought anymore.

I think about Fukushima. It has spewed toxic radiation into the air and water for over a year now. There are reports of a threat of massive new releases, which could destroy massive swaths of the Earth's ecozones. Yet, no one is responding with any urgency--not the UN, not the US, not even Japan.

No one cares to talk about it, for it is just more bad news at best and paranoia at worst. People prefer the beneficial effects of a positive mindset. But at some point, don't we have to ask why we are bothering with protests and politics, if the world won't even respond to a level-7 nuclear disaster?

Nicaragua, San Diego, Hawaii, British Columbia, Korea? Do I just continue plans to head somewhere, and not think about radiological matters? Or is being connected to the Pacific Ocean something to consider in making one's plans? I just have a bad feeling about it.

I don't much care for the States anymore. The level of conversation bores me, for no one understands righteous suffering. Few get what solidarity means. Few care to face challenges in order to overcome them. We are all capitalists here, in it for ourselves and maybe offspring.

Internally, I feel I have so little to offer the world anymore. With my back wrenched, even my plans to farm abroad become a little more tenuous. I believe I will be able to fully recover--as I have many times before--from such injuries. We will see.

I try to keep a positive mindset, but lately it's tough. Prayer still finds its way to and from Creator. I don't know how to apply it to any task at hand, for it only finds power in my utter emptiness and despair. Yet it restores my breath, and reminds me of lightness in Life. Maybe this conversation is all I can ask for.

It is, in any case, all I have.