plans

it's time for the panic to kick in

will i get ticketed $10

for remaining in the lot

fifteen minutes too long

and then have to deal with

my inner nazi

who will always pay such nonsense

-----

or do i interrupt myself

move my car around the block

which will give me just enough time

to come back in and pack up

life just is moving too fast for me

these days

-----

i need to quit that stupid job soon

for my health

but can i afford the lack of healthcare

-----

what a stupid world i live in

i am jealous of people hugging

who aren't even in relationship

did ben really have to get down

on all fours for a grope

in the middle of my

conversation

-----

there's an alt-country song

in here

somewhere

-----

ps

i know the world is falling apart

i just can't deal with it right now

i've got plans

rain

it is probably high time i revamp this blog

get it connected with some groovy ecological networking

in honor of potlatch ideals

permaculture

devotional nativism

and the other essential yogas

that call me

-----

i continue saving enough money to travel to water

transition out of the money economy

with all its real estate delusions

of private capital

ownership of land

and the related economy

of apparent separation of phenomena leading to the option of hiding

including time that leads to karma being projected out into the future

leading to violence

impossible within

a natural maturing cultural path

or in the overlords' case

the coming dismemberment of technological structures

across the Earth

right in time to fulfill native prophecies

everywhere

dismantling capitalist monotheism

and its genocidal foundational error:

that there is such a thing as a separate self

god people race animal tree bug

or whatsoever

-----

maybe I find some graceful arcing movement

with you all

in our floating-bridge pods

of compassion

en route to a global picnic

perhaps just tumble forth

amidst radiological inundation

with patchy hair and falling teeth

hobbled with disability

on my last day here

it is of no matter

-----

welcome to the new conversation

of tantric permaculture

in mutual relationship

with the Heart of the Earth

rainbow lit

marking out the dance-floor

and shining out eternally

through everyone of these

water-connected bags

of magically-manifesting

free-energy

chakras

wasteland

i'm not quite autistic

but it is true

i do have trouble bonding with people

i know it is my own shortcoming

yet i think this has long been exacerbated

by living in the desert

where thirst

is never quenched

-----

or is my alienation due to

the prospect of never find meaningful work

amidst an empire

filled with hypocritical violence

and economic injustice

for while the yogic path offers

some promise of integration

and even service

most of my pursuits the last ten years

across this vast continental nation

have been in search of bonding

and fruitless

-----

or is it that when i rest enough

from grinding labor

to find the energies

with which i may participate with

and enjoy others

i must by the design of banking overlords

run out of the money

by which to maintain a semblance of balance

and protection

-----

there is no water here

to dissolve these matters

into solution

what little there was

vanished in the early years

of the 21st century

and with every failure

to connect with others

emotionally intellectually

romantically personally

spiritually philosophically

or ancestrally

a part of me dies

all over again

-----

it is the part that would

ever again

choose to live here

in this barren

wasteland

paths

well

i like the idea of a yogic identity

feels like a good fit to me

will it meet my desire

to generate a revolution in society

maybe not

but i wasn't getting far with that

anyway

-----

celibacy is treating me well

i've given it all up

all the chasing and hoping

the dependency of my identity

and so on

what a relief

to let go of sex

i feel way more integrated

and even sexual

because i have realized now

what i am looking for

and it is real love

not adolescent sex

and that is an important distinction

for a 48 year old

already i meet more women

because i trust my own intentions

more completely than i now realize

i wasn't

-----

sobriety suits me well also

i haven't been enjoying alcohol much

in recent years

just a big headache

slight nausea and blurriness

and never quite reaching any useful buzz

either

why bother

recently i saw twice how

it immediately brought a layer of foam

between me and my full presence

and i am no longer interested

-----

staying clean as they say

has been useful

my dreams have returned

by the hundreds every night

bringing some richness

to my otherwise mundane life

yet still if i'm going to waver anywhere

this is likely the place

i don't miss the roughness in the lungs

or the loss of self-control

deteriorating gums and bad driving

losing shit

i miss the laughter some

easy company and better music depth

but mostly what i miss is the rejuvenation

it offered me in my approach to the world

the possibilities it offered for seeing things

in a new way

and related support for re-engaging with a world

that even with a yogic disciplined beauty

i find i don't believe in anymore