creative discontent

I found a clarity last night I had been seeking for a week or two, stimulated by an question around how to blog about my inner process with honesty and integrity, while in a growing relationship I value and am prioritizing in my life.

I realized, as is often the case, there is something slightly unexpected going on, which upon discovery turns out to be quite obvious. What I realize is that to be honest about the relationship, I would be endlessly blogging profound celebration. And even the most romantic devotional soaring poetry would do little justice to the actual intensity of joy of even a single moment of the relationship itself, like the feeling in my chest when I first glimpse my sweetheart bella sonrisa from the steps of the railrunner I am now travelling on regularly.

But not to write about it implies it is not the most precious thing in my life right now, which is clearly not the case, so perhaps I have made this a bit more clear now.

I also discovered that my internal process, relationship aside, has a certain use for creative discontent, and thus my bloggin tends to focus, as my journals do also, on the seeming negative. But really, whether it is conspiracy stuff, or the confusion of what is arising out of the shadows of my subconscious, or expressing some uncomfortable emotion, or embracing some personal wretchedness, there is great value in allowing it to move, change and be fully revealed. It is a way of allowing through the callings that life has provided--the juice that comes for the hard work it sometimes takes to bring forth the new composition, or the practice focus, or fleshing out the next work possibility, or simply to attend to the mystery of Spirit, amidst a world where needs are not always met, and thus staying in touch with the essential drive to alleviate suffering in the world

and for this reason it has asked me to call it creative discontent