never again

when i was a child i learned about the genocidal nazi atrocities and knowing i was german took a nonviolent vow known as never again, that is to do all in my power to never collaborate in any way with genocide

growing up in a family and culture based in denial, i began to act out in a way, becoming an intellectual due to a mental insistence on not accepting the same kind of bullshit that led to the rise of nazi germany, where good germans meekly said we didn't know

at 19 i turned to an extremely esoteric shinto philosophy called the kototama, which insisted that i could self realize by becoming aware of the nature of the sound vibrations underlying language, and then could help guide society to a peaceful transition

although troubled by the reagan years' turn our country hard to the right, and my growing sense of collaboration in cia atrocities, i held onto a dogmatic sense of solipsistic grandeur until i was 29, at which point i was studying the holocaust with a dying professor who had been a student of hannah arendt, whereupon while attempting to protest the gulf war that was raging, i suffered the first of two psychotic breaks that year

i recovered my personal life through my thirties, and learned to take better care of myself, until 9/11 hit and political awareness in the form of learning of the massive conspiratorial forces in the world, which i became convinced were behind everything from the banking system to 60s assassinations to 9/11 to media control and beyond

now having detached myself from said banking system, i seek other actions to restore personal integrity, reading every conspiracy idea desite how horrible the world now appears to me, and sorting through them despite how annoying and dogmatic and offensive so many fellow conspiracy theorists are

i do this out of the same commitment to at the very least honor my commitment to never look away from the hard truths like my german ancestors did, and never shy away from disagreeing with the overwhelming mass opinion, despite how difficult this sometimes makes my life

and what i find is that never again is now