newport avenue

i took the pricey place

couldn't see stumbling past open bedroom doors with momma and pop and grandma trying to sleep through their miniature greyhounds barking at me at midnight

the prison cell of a rental was painful to have even imagined

and i was running out of time

it set up a great growth experience, riding the wave of my own jackally doubt and some weird new age shame that there wasn't some universal flow i should have been in perfect harmony with to find the perfectionist's dream home

all of which dissipated like morning fog after making the decision

leaving me suddenly recognizing people again
smiling at dog walkers

and gleefully
immersing myself without a wetsuit
in the 59 degree

pacific

_______________

it was good to make a decision

even if I won't be able to put up all the drifter friends I am making

they are the most interesting folks around here, and while they have a niche in OB beyond most places, the trend seems the same as anywhere

and since the just-don't-steal-the-tv-like-our-last-roommate 420 house didn't invite me to join them

i'm taking the conventional n/s
n/d behind-the-house studio

which is better since i'm around the kids so much these days anyway

_____________

but it sure is weird
then heading down to the street scene
amidst the bars and head shops

wondering which of my personas
is the main one and which
are subpersonalities needing to be kept under wraps

playing mando with street buskers

including a banjo playing sweetheart travelling through
reminding me i can still feel stuff no matter how unreal

after going out for ice cream with my straight laced bro-in-law and the kids

after agreeing to the pricey place

and watching it all co-occur
on the same

street