waves

amidst a couple rough first days of post-driving fatigue, along with internal pressure to make it all happen, especially finding a place immediately, i noticed a subtle fear or perhaps despair descending on me, especially in my relative sense of disconnection with the ocean and kids

it was the uh oh is this all a big mistake? moment, coming as my subconscious realized this was the last moment i could still turn around and undo this moving plan with minimal karma, a moment that i have in the past had difficulty with due to overwhelming additional factors of minimal and dwindling funds

this time i rode the wave, supported by receiving a couple friendly emails, a cup of yerba mate, and the remembrance to release into the hands of Benevolent Universe, with a prayer that it all serve the greatest good

and sitting on the perch i seem to have claimed, the left-most of four outdoor stools at the local cafe overlooking the beach and scene, a couple folks i'd met the night before with my mandolin strapped over my shoulder came by to discuss paradigm shifting and a shared perception of the need to empathize with cops, so that they have the option of joining the coming global picnic too

and looking at the water, i remembered eros, the whole point of this--the call to adventure, to embrace something new--and i realized what i had been missing about the water: the desire to go in, the stimulus of the potential for immersion, be it real or fantasy, which brings forth the horses to carry us to our places of responsiveness in the world

so with at least my legs in the 59 degree water, i felt the indescribable wonder of being amidst the swirling patterns of moving cold foamy wetness

and i say: life is for Beauty, sure the wonderful physical stimuli of youthful curves and vigor, yet which are but a glimpse into the true eros of this life, the ever-renewing word-defying dance-with-otherness, naturally available if we but manage the processes of our maturing with some grace and humility, along with some boldness and tenacity, so as to remember to love all of this

Life