stumbling into daylight

i was reading a friend's blog
enjoying its depth of communication

i got up from my makeshift desk
and burst into tears

i like crying
haven't done it as much as i'd like
i forgot

it has the power to clarify things
feelings and needs

-----

it was a blog about my friend's recent
Occupy experience

i was touched by the sensitivity expressed
in the public mourning

and also by
the expression of empathy from the cops
for the movement

they must have received some empathy
here as well for their position

that is in fact exactly what they expressed

how amazing is a single moment of reconciliation
witnessing our shared humanity

across these disguises

-----

and what are the costumes for?
for making money

for having an acceptable role in society
and such nonsense

ironic that when we let the charade drop
we find the real community

which is what i am looking for
and is all i have ever looked for

to do something meaningful
with true friends

-----

in regards to my crying fit

it was not about the mourning specifically
neither the cops nor community

it was about my day
how sore my shoulder is

how stressed and shut down my body and soul
after too much work at a job

and not enough recognition
no it's not even that

-----

it was a gestalt which cried me:
the sudden stark contrast

between the quality of life lived
chasing a lonely dollar

how numb I become even in two days
under fluorescent lighting and such

so that I can't even discern
whether I need to sleep or eat

compared to this immediate experience
the aliveness of feeling

when each habitable moment
is lived outdoors

in the company of soulmates
doing what we are meant to do

which is:
being together

and meanwhile getting real stuff done
like practicing such empathy

-----

the tears brought me back to life
and i stumbled my sore body down to Yale Park

which i suddenly found completely open
and laid down on the grass

near a circle of acquaintances

had a brief conversation
with a man whose wisdom i enjoyed

a loner like myself stumbling upon community
who i understand is familiar with the street

his eyes and words reflecting
a quality of aliveness i've known

living in a street community
last year near a beach

-----

now home to cook this curried veggie tofu
and potatoes

reminding myself to be less shy about inviting
others to share food

as i plan an evening of brainstorming
this economic transition

to a situation i may use my yang energies
not use them up

lifting five tons before breakfast
but rather commit to their true nature

for as this life is freely given
it is for me to now extend

this generosity of giving

a generativity that arises
not from a priority of doing

but through commitment
to being