after the cow

yeah another challenging night last
amidst these American animals
who seem to not stink like I do

while I am insisting
certainly to myself as well
tomorrow's gig will be fun

I am still quite unsatisfied
with my life here
and the scene

thanks Joe
for not inviting me up to play with you
again last night

despite my pointing out
my band has its first and possibly only
Santa Fe gig tomorrow

inviting myself just seemed too amateur
tho it would have been more useful training
in the Santa Fe pseudo-zen

art of letting go
of all notions
of self-esteem

or I could have been slick
and told you the more appropriate truth

someone asked if I was playing
with the band tonight
and I didn't know--what do you think?

but by the time I think of
the slick thing to say
it's always long

after the cow

and barn
have parted
ways

____


I admit I desire a community
where love helps manage
the flow between people

cuz by the time I'm perfect
I'll be long dead

and while I'm alive
sometimes the least I can do
is protect the beast

yet not only to compensate
for a few of these
personality disorders

am I at least willing
to take the leadership
to find or found it

but because
it is this quixotic quest alone

which has led me
to all that I have enjoyed finding
in this world

the radical Christian activists
foreigners and dancers
waitresses and peasants

with hearts of gold
and a familiar stink

and because any professional world
that forgets its raison d'etre
is like music without a muse

so moos to you and your renown

gotta see if I can learn to clown
find the place people still
laugh dance drink play

smoke love work or pray
at least enough

that I know I'm not
the only four-chambered
methane-belching

cud-chewer
in town