organizing at length

in my life I am feeling more dissatisfaction than I am enjoying
work too much
the landlord too much
infrastructure and community less than strong

national outlook again grim with Obama investing further in war karma and hence demonstrating his allegiance to the global banksters some of us suspected he was indeed beholden to

two former homeless clients of mine dead

and so on

_________

so I ask myself
in simple NVC terminology

what needs are up for me
not being met
and hence contributing to my disgruntlement

there are the meta needs
for living in a safe and sane society
which remain unmet

as long as homeless people die
from lack of proper health services

and foreigners die
for living in the way of exploding US munitions

and soldiers continue to die
for lies like 9-11

__________________

there's the landlord
who's beginning to need a personal assistant

spraying himself in the face with paint
after breaking the cap off the spray can
and then attempting to rig a pistol
as paint sprayer

and that's just today

there's work
which is so odd I can't even evaluate objectively anymore
but I know by the end of most days I am bored and exhausted
some weird vibe there more than anything else it seems
perhaps the vibe of incompetence

people ordering twice as much as necessary
so that it does not even fit into the store
and everything then getting so backed up
that the shelves have big empty spaces
because workers can't get to the product

and the bottom line is that I am thinking about all of it
too much
having been a manager now for several years
such nonsense is ridiculous to me

but then who slept through my alarm this morning
got the 5:40 wake up call
and rolled in at 6 stinky and greasy haired
(what's left of it anyway)

so what the hell am I talking about

___________________________________

essentially as they also say in NVC
the needs have fallen off the shelf for me lately

I'd put some up for a while

the sleep I'd catch up on
the connections with friends that rarely seemed to happen
finding a meaningful path of service
a better and more enjoyable approach to eating
a little exercise
some time off the clock for serenity and rejuvenation
better boundary setting with the landlord
self-esteem supporting habits like goal-setting
better music practice discipline
some healing work
perhaps a spring cleanse
or some relaxing yucks over beer
shopping for sneakers or a haircut or even some food stocks
the garden
meditation
the dance band
an empathy group
oh and that intimacy thing

all now fallen off the shelf
_____________________________

and I am preparing to make a decision
simple as it may be
to take a month off
and travel

I can afford it if I go cheap

as a strategy it covers the largest swath
of the above abbreviated list

and is in all ways quite doable I think
with work and all

finding someone to sublet and do the Peter care
will take some doing
but perhaps can be part of a new dialog
regarding some personal assistant needs
or at least some share the care approach

________________________________________

along with the travel's inevitable stimulus

I need to be learning
some new tools
it is a (not-so?) surprising need
that has also been neglected
and alone could also meet many needs
and I am preparing to commit to this as well

be it latent/emergent tendencies toward
psychic skills and shamanic healing
during some off time

or finding my voice in the NVC/NLP direction
likely a more street version of it
(is someone already teaching this way?)
in an ongoing way

or the touch healing arts
like saving up for a fall program
while learning some techniques in the meantime

or a men's group at least
to grieve this sorry world
of death and dying

and celebrate its sublimnity

____________________________

I will take this week off to slow down
hang out
camp and tour

arrange and plan the month off

and get these other things
in better

shape