extending ki

In New Warriors, we used to use the word stretches to describe actions a man would commit to in order to move into his vision for his own life. In Aikido, there is a guiding principle to practice, which states: Always extend ki. These two phenomena may or may not be correlates depending on interpretation.

I've been realizing, that despite a prior viewpoint otherwise, I have abundant social opportunities. With the recent turn in weather for the better, it seems there are dances, hikes, birthdays, games, meals, and more all potentially on my calendar. With this, there are choices to be made.

In the past, I often overbooked myself. I think this came from a scarcity mindset, although I often told myself I was "stretching." It was a way of attempting to bolster self-esteem, by meeting everyone else's needs. Short sleep, hungover, and dragging ass the next day, I relied too much on caffeine and then overworking a tired (but stimlated) body. I am not exaggerating to say I was often running on empty. Even attending men's "support" groups, with passionate commitments from fired-up evenings of guts work and such, often ended in the same result.

No mas.

This week I seem to be practicing real stretching--trying out new patterns of interaction that involve discomfort--and doing them for myself. I've said no to several strong requests from people I care about that simply do not meet my needs for self-care, especially sleep. I explain the best I can, and hope no one chooses to take offense.

And gosh...this week I feel much more steady, serene, in charge of my state of being...less moody and irritable and overwhelmed. Work is both smooth and enjoyable. I see how both the addictive habits I've stepped away from AND these codependent patterns were contributing to a rather bipolar, unsatisfying quality of life. At 46, I can no longer afford such emptiness.

I am learning to extend ki. This refers to a movement outward into the world, perhaps similar to stretching. The difference is that ki is extended from one's center. Thus I have been examining what is it that brings true life satisfaction, which activities I desire to invest in over the next thirty years of my life, which come from a central place in me. The list is significant. So I have also been patient enough to simply watch and see what particularly on the list I move towards. And then today, I received an unexpected afternoon off.

I watched myself research a local tai chi instructor, whose card I don't even remember picking up. His online book and description of wu ji ("standing centered") are impressive. So uncertain as to whether he was even still around, I called him, at home apparently. And I made an appointment to receive private teaching from him at his studio next week! I then went swimming, visited a local aikido dojo I am curious about, picked up a schedule of their classes, along with the yoga classes next door.

I then came home and found myself wondering why no one is doing any Nonviolent Communication practice these days, and feeling a kind of longing for it. Soon I was booking an event on the NVC New Mexico website, and forwarding some invitations locally. Knowing what it takes to host such a group, I even requested a donation for the event. It was a bit of a stretch, as were the invitations--but all unfolded very naturally, without strain. As a monthly event, I will not feel overbooked by it. And it felt great to offer something to the community, which has been very quiet lately, in a format that I would enjoy hosting.

Extending ki.

I continue to consider full time work at Trader Joe's, and doing the Santa Fe Triathlon in July, but either commitment would presently feel premature. I have a notion to teach an old chanting meditation I know well, take a natural cooking class, start watercolor painting--again in due time. I continue to pray, meditate, eat and sleep well. I am very grateful for the natural order my life is finding.