surgerysucks.com

wow I had the wisdom to leave the car lights on overnight despite my landlord tellng me earlier in the day I had left them on, so that after turning them off I went out again and repeated the exact same mistake which led to my once a year missing work, the day before my two week vacation started, not ideal but maybe needed since I was getting very fried trying to organize my head around friends in Santa Fe I should visit with and various obligations I can no longer maintain because of lack of safe travel, since the battery is now charged but the hood latch is still broken and the image of it tearing off at 80 mph on the freeway lacks something in safety

so it's instant vacation and already I am slowing down cooling off and thinking more clearly and finding surprising inspirations arising suddenly like wouldn't it be fun to cross dress today, and where does that come from since it's really not my thing, but I just have such a desire to climb out of the box of this identity I find myself in, responsible middle-aged single male employee, and its alternate that I now remember was often placed on me down here in ABQ, confused dramatic bipolar can't keep it together brilliant stoner conspiracy guy, and the box this whole world finds itself in trying to make sense amidst economic collapse and the cognitive stresses of the empire's dissolution

so it looks like San Diego for the bodywork weekend which meets a lot of needs including swimming in the ocean for hours every day, and having a city for a bit of a hostelling adventure, and meeting people into healing, and learning a series of healing exercises one of which I already know and has been the most powerful tool I've experienced in years, the acquisition of which while not cheap offers me a door back into the healing world I have sought for some time and with further training a service to potentially offer others and so on

and as I look out over the next ten years of my life, it is this kind of thing I want to invest in, the capacity to nurture one another with our skills in the evolving postmodern communities we find ourselves increasingly in, and personally to overcome this frustration with feeling I have little to offer despite having completed a two year training and licensure in oriental medicine ealry in my adult life, so I am excited to find modalities which offer new perspecitves and techniques to help me make sense of all the capacities I have begun to develop but haven't been able to figure out how to apply, hence this workshop idea feels very supportive

and that's where I'm at, realizing work is a means to an end of living a more autonomous life, and remembering what it means to be autonomous, and choosing to embrace those enriched states that manifest as I embrace my dreams of healing, music, conflict resolution, heart-centered tantric chi-building playfulness, and related inner callings, with the healing way first, and maybe an identity developing that is both playfully out of the box and nurturing to our deeper humanity