zoo!

ok so i guess there's a mouse or something stuck behind the landlord's fridge upstairs, scratching away at 4 am so loud i think it's next to my head, scratching, scratching, so i peek in their house see there's nothing i can do and try to go back to sleep

i think about moving the mattress back into the back room onto its frame since it might be far enough away from the mouse but then i am in middle of the strong wi-fi signal buzz which the landlord had agreed to turn off at night ut seems to be forgetting, and i don't want to bother him again with it because he's old and seems on the verge of being annoyed with the idea that a renter could actually be sensitive to living in a field of electrical impulses he and most of Albuquerque doesn't notice

but the mouse eventually dies or gets out just in time for the 4:30 am parade of landlord, dogs and meowing cats collectively sounding like elephants on the ceiling, going through their morning rounds of dogbowl filling and coffeemaking, excitement over impending walk, wooden flute playing and such

which gives me time to think about work and all the craziness going on there, my trying to mend fences with folks imagine i may have offended somewhere along the line, being told by one fulltimer in a rambling response that i should more easygoing and say hi to people more and be friendlier and try to hang out with people and care more about the crew, to which i bite my tongue in regards to pointing out i probably do more of all the above than he does, instead trying to listen empathically and hear his own need for greater connection with me

and hearing from a couple others the reassurance that everyone is getting hammered on at work these days, the occasional management attempt at tightening up an operation they know incredibly little about, with me just having the lucky timing of switching shifts, trying to step up, and so being ultra visible in my shortcomings this week

and eventually the morning parade somehow dies down upstairs and at some point i have fallen back asleep, waking too late for my weekly chance to run into the former love and continuing our conversation at winnings cafe, instead having just enough time for this rambling blog and maybe a shower before the hour commute to work, the more editing i attempt the stinkier i am likely to be