front-end

tonight i learned the wisdom of holding needs underneath both the yes and the no responses arising within me toward others' requests, the yeses often being about practicalities and getting along, the nos often about more intangible spirit matters, the magic being that when i hold the needs together in a basket, i somehow arrive at options for a more holistic approach

such as risking being more proactive in investing time money, energy and planning in the arenas of the more cosmic callings of my life: the big love, earthy adventures, the music, healing touch, the magic of chi

rather than falling into the conflicting demands of halfhearted side projects to fill the space of a vacation or a life, then trying to make those side projects worthwhile by investing too much reactively, and never fully arriving

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the world of fetish demands such a psychic investment to do well that it is really only worth it to those directly inspired by it, whereas for those only curious, the potential growth on the level of persona and shadow awareness, while intriguing, likely never matches the serenity of a more flowing connection to a beauty beyond the persona, already developed and not worth unintentional sacrifice through inattention

a short trip to california is an exploration of debt-free travel, but really was fallen into as a late choice to do something with the last dregs of vacation time, and is likely much less satisfying than a host of other workshops or some well-planned camping would have been

a melodic sideman gig can lead to some nice connections and fun, but is not in and of itself going to manifest the dance band i am craving

buzz chasing, and management trainee programs too

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all of these come about from the vacuum that arises from not

stepping up to those cosmic connections, workshops, and vistas

where only more-potent thicker-skinned front-end requests will do