but ultimately useful
receiving empathy upon returning
i realized more fully
that i can no longer compromise
so much for my comfort
comfort leads nowhere anyway really
also seen clearly
it is not my lot to move to chico
to that request i say no
but not without gratitude
for the opportunity
-----
i've been afraid of sounding crazy
there is just less and less time
to wait for the appropriate contexts to arise
in order to say what needs to be said
i have thus been playing small
and that is not what the world needs
and it has been becoming less fun
and more injurious to me
to be waking that high rope
tight-wire
in this way i have definitively learned
why i left new mexico also
i could not complete my work there
and the work is first to unfold myself fully
and that means all chakras
with all their blessings
and in doing so speak the truth more
teach what the new paradigm is
for it is unfolding before our very
beings
-----
it is this pineal gland precisely
that i became aware was not fully turned on in me
it is stressed by high altitude, radiation, and poor sleep rhythm
and i was aware of this particularly in summer in santa fe
my need to get to sea level sea
was true as true can be
and now i am waking up these upper chakras
turning on and getting clear
on the curriculum
with the help of friends and teachers
brothers and sisters
and prayer
prayer works at the crown
God is no disembodied eye
but right here when yours meet mine
the voice needs to speak
and the clarity is coming through stronger than ever:
express gratitude and beauty in thoughts and words
vibrate joy, which is a very active energy
and the paradox is that
higher energy wavelengths
do not exhaust themselves
they sustain and nurture
the light in others
-----
this is why i could no longer play murder ballads
with my last two bands
and it is why i left the controlling old paradigm
of my last intimate relationship
and why i keep hearing:
permaculture
empathy
prayer
pineal glands
thought vibrations
water
with the Earth calling so loudly
what else can possibly make sense
to a child
-----
i imagine singing songs of affirmation
in a touring van
with friends near and far
amidst the global groove network
djs and fiddles
accordians and djembes
time for didjeridu
and mbira too
while pitching in along the way
with whatever is going on
a harvest or a planting
a barn raising
or ritual fire
i've tended fires before
and it suits me well
and just to talk about these things
and maybe most directly
to sponsor friends to share this space
that's the giveaway
right there
with strategies like recording music jams
i pay for and guide toward affirmation
and making movies of the curriculum
with my little cam
to put on youtube
all of which is free actually
and like a website
it gives us something to
refer others to
info outside the page
as well as saying
who we are
-----
so i am here writing this
to begin
in earnest
and directly
this work
i may have some time left to gather
materials to be fairly sustainable
to manage some integrity
with the idea of material responsibility
but i don't use much
and i could eat a lot less
if i weren't abusing myself at work
and i don't need much
a van, maybe converted to french fries
maybe a solar panel
a good battery
-----
and starting right now
with commitment
offering service
to this vision
this work and play
remembering to laugh
one day at a time
one moment
one encounter at a time
may it serve the greatest good
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