after a good day goofing at work
yes and working hard too
i swam a few laps
for the first time this season
to get out of the rut of falling asleep after work this week
then waking up groggy to hit the cafe for email
then dinner and maybe some sports talk radio
before bed
wondering after days of such non-interaction
why I was feeling so lonely
-----
well the swim helped
it is good for me to be immersed in water
I then talked to a couple east coast friends
about my upcoming road trip which was fun
and I was also invited to play at a picnic here on the fourth
with some friends I enjoy so that's cool
all of which bodes well
for a richer social time arriving
-----
the real highlight was visiting Abbey
rehabbing now a few weeks after the car accident
she's doing so much better
and can speak now with ease
mostly she indulged me yacking about my life
I have always enjoyed how she gets the subtleties
of what I'm trying to say
when talking about transformational stuff
like the yoga that is very nurturing to me these days
the devotional quality of the practice
giving me a place to express that
insistent energy in me
plus the deep strengthening
and the application of will to bettering oneself
then i played a few songs for her on the violin
and she is so appreciative and well-wishing for my music
it really filled up my heart
-----
then i went to ecstatic dance
for the first time in months
which was a bit much
after a long day
i don't know if I'll go back
it was fun at first to stretch and move
but it got to feeling narcissistic and precious
and somehow overly feminine
the macho songs bugged me most
i think growing up in new york
and being Italian
I just don't like too much chaos
i mean it's fine for women at a dance
to go for full expression of rage with fists in the air
but what the fuck am i supposed to do
if i yell at even half my intensity
people will leave i guarantee you
so it all becomes a pretense for me
plus i just don't like house music
and by the way
don't these people have jobs?
-----
then i got a second email from
the former crush in san diego
after a couple months' hiatus
she has turned an important corner
in learning to take care of herself
and I celebrate that sincerely
I liked hearing from her again
but I just feel something in me rising up
wanting choice in the matter
of conversing or not
-----
and here i am now past my bedtime
having enjoyed an excellent gluten-free pizza
at the new place in nob hill
where i've now caught up on soccer
and decided it's still a solid
four star day
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