vacation day one: Santa Fe reflections

well not the worst start to a vacation

catching up on correspondence over too much yerba matte

where i saw a facebook notice from a new old friend

inspiring me to head up to santa fe

for a memorial service

for a recently deceased musical friend

i reconnected with several old buddies

in a good way

as we mourned the passing of a very creative soul

who some of them were very close to

and with whom i recall the timeless heart connection

that followed upon a particularly empathic

honest and forgiving conversation

-----

when people asked how i'm doing

i kinda shined them on

how do i describe

how my entire karass

nearly everyone i am close to in this world

is transitioning in seismic ways

preparing to leave this plane

or dramatically reckoning with its increasing density

in hospitals and on the streets

or with blood and brain disorders

why bother to talk about personal dramas

like suffering torn muscles

and miraculous healings that follow?

there is no context for anything

i am currently experiencing

-----

and how can i explain

my immense frustration

that i feel similar to a pipe carrier

of an ancient tradition few people know

that is proving vibrationally precise and powerful

in shifting manifestation around me

and offering healing

but i can barely explain even on a good day

without edging toward mania?

-----

what of my car which will likely

get me nowhere this vacation

disappointing precious hopeful-faced kids

already depressed siblings

dearest friends struggling to survive

and 30-year mentors

seeking my healing input

and who i may never see again?

-----

amidst the familiar faces i see around town

on the plaza and at the railyards

i wonder if perhaps it is part of my dharma

to make grand plans only to have them fall through

perhaps personal or generational karma

is in my way

simple ineptitude

at getting auto repair scheduled

or maybe i just struggle too much

with wanting to escape entirely

from participation in the american war machine nightmare

and the increasingly obvious indictment of the money system

in perpetuating the violence

but try explaining that

to your nine year-old niece