the fourth (long)

recently i wrote to a friend how less triggered i felt this year about independence day patriotism, which turned out to be completely untrue

i don't know about your town, but here in the city with the largest military presence in the universe, i find myself amidst a merciless three-day weekend of idiots with flags flying out their asses...and since when did the monday after become part of the effing program?

it's particularly disorienting after several years of "interdependence" day kickball parties with the nonviolent communication community of albuquerque, in friends' huge north valley backyard celebrating the interconnectedness of things--since sold, as they moved to maui

instead i find myself listening to the padres game on the radio, filled with "my god this really is the best country on the planet, always has been always will be, amen" crap (and i'm not exaggerating)...i suppose i can be thankful at least i did not have to see the padres camo uniform tops, in tribute to all the local military folks--who get honored at the start of every public event (including the shamu show at seaworld last month), standing to the crowd's appreciative applause

now i wouldn't mind this so much, if there were a little balance to it, like how about every other day we have all the peaceworkers in the stands rise to the applause of the crowd?

i wasn't the only one moaning over the patriotic music we had to listen to through my entire TJ shift sunday, but i was the only one asking why did so much of it have to do with world war two, over hill over dale, the ultimate sacrifice of those defending all that freedom stands for...maybe it's because people don't even call it independence day anymore, it's just another day for waving flags while spouting the appropriate greeting to one's fellow wealthy white folks: "happy fourth!"

do tell me why does every other holiday have to be a glorification of war: memorial day, independence day, veterans day, flag day, there's probably another one in there, oh yeah the superbowl--all multimedia advertisements extolling the glory of joining the military

is it because all the other holidays extol the glory of a supreme religion, the best most righteous truest faith that has ever been on the planet, also rooted in the glory of violence, only this time on the receiving end...how did we get so steeped in all this insanity?

i was really willing to participate in TJ dress-up day, even offered a bit of costume wrapping a flag around myself as a sarong, which was deemed disrespectful and removed...okay fine, it didn't bother me until the first mate came in the next day and wore the very same flag as a superman-type cape over his back...i guess it's okay to wear a flag after all, so long as its done by a tall square-jawed man, in power, in an acceptably mythically-masculine way, (tantric transformational mythos, gender ambiguity, and celebration of the chakras closer to the Earth all be damned)

if further proof were needed that i don't belong here, perhaps it was the brief conversation the day before with a customer with whom i was celebrating germany's lopsided soccer victory over argentina, until he leaned in like a comrade-in-confidence, expressing his clarity that the reason the Latinos lost is their "feminine emotionality", a reactive weakness of character which eliminated any chance of recovery from an early goal

now i could be offended by this as an oft-emotional italian (yes believe it or not we are also latin); or as a german whose people learned only through a couple generations of utter ruin, genocidal violence, and shame the ultimate results of racism; or as a gender-equal progressive realizing the comment was not only racist but sexist; or a host of other ways

but i was more curious, as words from my father from a childhood pep talk returned to me, offering encouragement so many years ago that i could succeed because, "number one, you're white, number two, you're male..." and i forget the rest of what he said because even as a kid my mind froze with rage at the stupidity of what he was saying

i have since realized dad never meant to dis other people, he was trying to point out a neutral observation of society i am just coming to grasp, as i bump up against it here again in san diego, which is perhaps even more disturbing, about the nature of privilege...that it is not about having greater opportunity as a supposedly white man, nor about having fewer hurdles to overcome in succeeding, but rather something more subtle

it seems to be about an invisible social contract that clean-cut white men are allowed to take up more social space than others, and to literally take more resources for themselves than others, before others are allowed to notice or protest...thus more easily fulfilling the masculine role of resource-provision for attractive mates who agree to not protest the stipulations of the social contract, provided they receive apportioned benefits of the additional space consumed...and when taken to a global lens, explains just what it means to be "the greatest nation on Earth", as pronounced by the assuredly clean-cut white men on the radio

that is why a loud, drunken, aggressive pack of white frat boys can walk down the street harassing women, and face almost no threat of sanction (they are just "sowing their oats"), while a similar group of blacks or latinos, or hippies for that matter, would face the serious chance of getting beaten up or arrested at least

i could go on, but will close saying as a german-american whose mothers' society and culture was utterly destroyed by it, i have instinctively rejected the inherent violence of the entire racist, sexist paradigm since as far back as i can remember...and on some level have realized the connection between this and my lack of wealth acquisition

but only in browsing a self-help book in which the woman author wrote that what she valued most in a man was "masculinity" did i begin to realize the essential accepted definition of it, and how it relates to the bigger picture: someone who knows what they want and are willing (without hesitation, self-inquiry, or consideration of consequences) to go get it/do it/make it happen... the ultimate test of such masculinity is that of an effective soldier, simultaneously willing to die and to kill without question, the latter portion of which is not discussed in those "ultimate sacrifice" tributes

and which also ties in with the national glorification of the value of freedom: no one is going to get in your way unless there is demonstrable proof that what you are doing will cause immense (and undeserved) harm to others, so as long as you diminish awareness of such effects you're good to go, since (social science being ever inexact) they can never be proven until after the fact anyway, especially amidst a complex world of global political economics... thus explaining how such absolute disasters could occur like the current eight-year invasion of the middle east costing millions of lives over a lie, the destruction of the ecosystem of the gulf of mexico, the impoverishment of the entire third world, and also this incisive article (thank heaven someone else notices things once in a while): http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/commentators/johann-hari/johann-hari-how-goldman-gambled-on-starvation-2016088.html

hence revealing the distinct possibility that it is precisely the rejection of this masculine identity, swathed in a cape of freedom casting such a long shadow of violence in its wake, which has most clearly defined the parameters of the entirety of my personal life