in search of the real

probably been semi-consciously avoiding old friends

because i am quite codependent and easily influenced
taking on the norms of whoever i am around
it has always been so for me

today i wonder if i will be presented
with an invitation to smoke or drink
and how i will respond

for in terms of generating a shared psychic space
i don't really have much of an inviting counter-offer

go dancing outside in the afternoon sun bro?

-----

drinking's not a big deal for me either way
i just don't enjoy it as much as i used to
i tend to get more bloated and tired
than relaxed or buzzed

pot as most of you know i enjoy
probably a little too much for my own good

in nvc terms it is a synergistic satisfier
meeting a lot of needs at once

relaxing stimulating creative inspiring
enjoying heightened appetites
insight and laughter

triggering the genius i was once thought to be
now long subdued by laborious decades

-----

yet the subtle delusion i've become aware of
is a kind of spiritual approach the medicine fosters:
a dawning of awareness that the external world
is illusory, and even obviously so!

thus inner practices become paramount
amidst ensuing hippie smugness

a taoist tantric self-mastery
an unfoldment of something within the flood of inspiration
and then a simple sharing of this awakening with others

which usually reduces to simply reigniting the inspiration
of neuronic pathways through continued use

and who will understand one's metaphors
when trying to convince them or the conspiracy of things
amidst one's diminishing taste

and thus capacity for functioning
within manipulated money boxes?

the problem being that it is very likely this approach
at least as much as the world as we know it

that is illusory

-----

i know there is a third path
a middle way

i came out here for this
the natural high of a transformed cleansed macrobiotic path
of gardens and sauerkraut

grounded in the source energy
before it splits off into the inner and the outer

yet when i chant the sounds now
according to the chart of the third civilization
i have awaited for 28 years

i am neither zen nor tao
just stupid with a brief reactive psychosis

that garbed in black shouts:
strike three yer out!