empathy afternoon

I sat in my first NVC-oriented group in at least a couple months today, that is, nonviolent communication-related practice.

I feel relieved to reconnect with a state of being that is at once simple and profound. On the group level, I enjoyed a sense of togetherness in community free of conflict, where we are grateful for one another's presence. In terms of activity, I enjoyed contributing with my presence to another's energetic clearing.

The shared sense of humanity also offered a safe space for me to realize my own sadness at the recent relational disconnection in my life. It is strange to see that I have been hovering above this feeling, experiencing instead more guilt or worry or negative self-evaluation. I have also been more focused on strategizing about what to do or not do, to make contact or not, and with what kind of approach.

The forthright mourning of the disconnection offered instead a reconnection to myself, to my own experience. What a relief! How much energy have I unconsciously expended amidst a nervous system imagining it needs to do something for things to be okay?

I have noticed before how a few moments of empathy can unwind any craving for getting high, by providing a similar quality of safety and softness, yet with a much more grounded aspect.

It is also reassuring to have conversations with a common understanding about striving for consciousness and integrity--after accommodating other norms in the recent relationship experiences. There has been the romantic pull, with its various imperatives, and the self-consciousness of trying to be understood across a great divide of experience and intention.

Mostly there has been a single-minded attachment to strategizing--to taking action, proving affection, making it really happen, etc. While I had awakened to the craziness of the ethical conundrums involved in our particular situation, only today am I realizing the more fundamental trouble of being addicted to action. By dropping back into being with what is, I reconnect with a vast flexibility of options for meeting needs, for rest and recovery, self-connection and self-esteem, connection to others and fun, and so on.

Acceptance and consciousness had become vague new-agey personality flaws amidst an imperative to demonstrate appropriate virility and commitment. It is no wonder I was becoming so inept. Not only was I pitted against my own value system, I was seeking to become one-dimensional, an uber-lover unrestrained by the practicalities of age, energy, money, or the experiences of a lifetime. And so I was.

I have noticed before that quality empathy has generally proven far more satisfying than romance in meeting needs for love. The space of compassionate witnessing also supports reconnection to innate self-esteem.

It is good to come home.