HELP THINGS GROW

every day an adventure

today i bought a smoothie
and played my mandolin on my break
on the rock under the parking lot's lone tree

said goodbye to my boss in santa fe
brush off a bit of the ol' not-unusual tj weirdness
no time for that whatever-ness

_______

come home
and find yet another song
get this

picking up the guitar on the bench in the yard, accidently strumming while the guitar pick was still wedged in the strings where i keep it when I'm not playing, i notice the sound is nearly indistinguishable from the sound of the mbira, the african thumb piano, and since i'm studying african rhythms, i just start fingerpicking one of the more interestng rhythms i know, and next thing i know, i'm sounding a lot like i'm playing a shona style mbira song, highly simplified of course, but definitely with the right feel, so ridiculous as it seems, i've found another really fun sketch to flesh out

time out to email a friend, write of the importance of doing what we love, which reflects the day's offering of graceful reassurance in regards to such matters, specifically the persistent arising of the desire to farm within a supportive community, so i start thinking about visiting indiana again, maybe scouting out some land to work for next growing season, wondering if this vision would find the wings to manifest, or may be just another alternate scenario and beautiful vision to savor for now

__________

call a friend to have a beer
very enjoyable
yacking away about a bunch of stuff
really nice resonance

a heavyset older guy sits next to us and starts listening to the very verbal woman another seat over, which we are glad for, she so wanted attention, and after my friend leaves, i'm finishing up my beer, when i hear him say something to the woman about all the FBI could promise me was that they would take care of my remains

and she is yacking on in a drunkenly tangential manner, so i just edgewise say to him I'm curious about that, which begins into a fascinating conversation in which i hear first hand about so much of the stuff i know has been going on in government over the last few decades, in this case his journalistic attempts at whistle-blowing iran-effin-contra of all things, and just what happened to him

and i offer my empathy as well as my appreciation of this man's dogged sense of integrity, and i just feel such a sense of respect that there are not many words, just a few laughs at how crazy the world is, and offer hopes we get to talk again, maybe over some bagpipe music next time

___________

and i'm headed home, and i have a message from a friend of mine i haven't heard from in a year or so, a young woman from indiana who i've had a very deep karmic connection with, and have often wondered about settling down with, but never quite felt called to act boldly about, while also witnessed the universe's synchronicities in not quite arranging it for us

so i call her back, she is pregnant for the first time, by way of her new lover with whom she is on a fast track with, she feels good about it and they are living together on the farm, the one i just happened to be thinking about earlier in the day, and i am really quite happy for her, and that such a dream is being lived out back there, may he have the wisdom and humility to parent well

help things grow

____________

and now i sit
delightfully amazed
at the workings

of a sometimes
surprisingly
intimate

universe

jig-like

i realized tonight i am a committed socialist
at least in the sense of staying for a meal at a local peacenik's house
while drinking beer and talking of the politics of latin america

it is important to me to gather eat drink and talk
there is actually something emergent in this simple arrangement of an evening
and playing a few rhythm tunes on the porch with the landlord

he likes my new ten beat per measure song
and i have to admit it is very groovy
the bodran accompanied nicely

if this is what modern day progressive life is
cool

_______________________________

i admit it was a stretch to actually get up the stairs
and out of my house with three instruments
after eating a whole snapper with all that chili garlic sauce

but have beer will travel

the crackers and appetizer over there were probably excessive
and the african peanut chickpea stew was as fabulously irresistible
as the homemade chocolate dessert chunks were foolish

but hey we were talking nvc and bolivia and brethren
nicaragua and jfk and the rest

with more beer and tunes and talk of the import of crack
the irish term for the partying aspect of any musical evening

and how often do you get a chance to just drop into all that

so apparently i will be presenting some nvc thing at unm soon
which is slightly bizarre

all because i thought the native flute ditty the landlord had been playing upstairs
sounded like a celtic fiddle tune

morrison's jig

ta lin!

i can see how people get into cruising down central
on a sunny freaking day not too hot windows wide

just don't do what i dd
and spend all your vacation money

at ta lin

_____

at least now i have food to last
through the armageddon

weird brown german cheese
chili and garlic sauce
an unboned snapper cuz the trout was just too funky
interestingly tasteless crackers
various teas, glutenous rice things, fried banana cake
a can of dulce flan

a hunk of organic chili cheddar
to support the locals who had the wisdom to get it sold there

ginseng shooters, organic dececco spaghetti (who knew?), too much chocolate, spicy german mustard tube, other cheeses i forget like the beer one, more crackers,
glutinous rice on a popsicle stick wrapped in nori seaweed,
mai's tapioca coconut pastry slab,
8 avocados for $3.50

AND A HOST OF OTHER STUFF ALL OF WHICH I JUST CREATED A WHOLE NEW CORNER OF THE KITCHEN FOR

_________________

i'm sure impulsiveness gets to be a habit
when one refuses to follow through more methodically
in attending to one's needs

that's why i try to take vacations

but then who wants to spend a hard earned grand
to still be just somewhere else within the empire

might as well just go shopping

at the international market
where lovely asian college girls shop
an honest fishmonger does the right thing

and a bolivian cashier engages me in a nice chat

while my tommy chong cartload of oddities
rolls cartoonlike down the conveyor

and sails into seven substantial plastic bags
destined for home

nvc and me

an as-yet unsent letter to the board of directors of new mexico nonviolent communication:

i'm feeling a bit conflicted about how to be honest that i haven't fully recovered from the two recent monday practice groups which i found cumulatively so horrible that i am pretty sure i will never go back

it causes me an alienating confusion that others seem to enjoy meetings like the last one, at which i was glad i had a headache, as an excuse to cut short what was about as enjoyable as a prolonged dental visit, to use one of the founder's phrases for clarity

it depresses me that this is what nvc has become, for what i observed was a bunch of people sharing an experience well within the comfort zone of their middle aged heads, discussing their opinions on others' opinions of the world according to a workbook by one of the founder's acolytes, where you find the right answers to rather obvious questions in the text of the chapter

with, whoa, an occasional personal experience shared of something that happened way back when that confirms this nvc viewpoint

with no feelings, needs, or aliveness expressed

i might as well go visit with the unitarians

how outrageous, yet not surprising, for nvc to finally arrive at the destination it has been slipping toward for years, a cozy little cult where the structure actually discourages the autonomy of disagreeing with, or even questioning, the founder's presuppositions, in exchange for some reassurance that we are somehow growing through our courageous participation in such a delusion

and if marshall was there i would hope he would be as incredulous as me, maybe so maybe not, maybe i'll just invite him, since he does supposedly live here

it is probably good that this has come up before i officially join the board, because i don't want to be the crusader to try to change nvc into something it is no longer, nor do i wish my participation to be based in opposition

i guess this generally happens as movements get away from the founders, with their capacity to continually reset the contexts of experience with their own automation-busting endeavors in autonomy, and instead become new automation-supporting dogmas

seems disciples act out the unresolved ego shadows of their gurus

please remind me of the address of the next board meeting, and i will attempt to find the motivation to attend, maybe you can remind me why i would bother

gone

caffeine humor dents thick psyche
with useful phrases

confusion underlies endeavors

out of control whens
pierce all initiatives dubiously

while mountains descend and smogify

if i knew where i was going i'd write a booksong about its singing pages
fersher yuhhuh

sickening spasms of illness begin to arrive
when suddenly

midlife calls

and like some sepia movie's wild jagged run to the wilderness
frantically leaving the wagons behind

it is every day's performance i now star in

amidst a caravan of extras hired
to laugh and applaud

while audiences wonder

amateur

i found flamenco style
on the guitar today

i think santana must have been influenced by it

it's the same energy as all this other
rediscovery and translation of traditional rhythms going on

and not just me
i'm just riding a global wave
toward the front

and trying to get a darn band together to ride with

__________

and it is thus:

in allowing the entire nervous energy to flow through the body

intense natural rhythms come forth
these are the same rhythms of life energy our ancestors utilized
in their sometimes wilder struggles for life
and certainly in sex

the musical connection between dancing and mating and all of that

really profound stuff
that's why keep coming around to it

one does need to pay some dues i think
enough suffering honestly with life
and not caving in
until we find tremendously deep resources on which to call
and realize it's okay to call on them every day
and thereby grow stronger

where was i going with that--
something like the concept of duende
the music that must either drive one to laugh, cry or passion

anyway, it's partly that tremendously fast playing
that the celts do sometimes and the gypsies and flamenco
and so on

italian mandolin

any people who suffered and persevered enough
to find access to that unlimited resource
that is the real definition of chi
and express it in their music

which is just about all peoples isn't it
the thing is it gives us post-moderns
in a sense without true culture

a reference as to what being human really means
it's not about sarcasm or laziness or coolness
irony

or any of our other bad habits

and what the secret is
well one anyway

it's focused twitching really
nerves firing in unison
pulsing

which is why listening to the funk band
was something equivalent to sex

and people who twitch together
well

y'know
maybe I just prefer

amateurs

rooted in the ancestral passion
of who we are

manifesto

it's hard to know where to fit into what my teachers called kanagi current, the scientific-material order of civilization that strives to consume everything which survives by denying awareness of greater human capacities, also called the way of separation

tjs is better than most, but i still think about wwoofing europe or teaching english in korea, especially when my sleep starts to get messed up, and how i'm going to pull off another late gig-exploration tonight is beyond me

some of my clarity about things comes from the suffering of not making choices soon enough and the diminished resources and life i experienced even a year and a half ago, the unwillingness to sacrifice some freedom bringing greater sacrifice

but globally it comes from a combination of practices continually reminding myself we are greater than all of this, than our jobs and gigs and even our poetry and songs: we are meant to live freely on this earth, free of sacrifice, autonomous, with cultures rooted in community that define a set of options/choices/responses allowing continuous contribution and interdependence

and I see how the banks had a big part in the destruction of life around the world, according to some kanagi choice, some karma someone generated somewhere by eating an apple or serving a reptile or feeling shame or seeking control or judging another, or maybe just the greed that inspired the institution of usury

and this awareness helps me relax more into the choices i do make, accepting a life far less perfect than i would have imagined, yet remaining centered in essentials, the way being for me all about reconciling the situation as best we can for ourselves, those around us, and maybe miraculously the whole world, by re-membering

some friends teach and have summers off to remember the real quality of living within an autonomous yet supported flow, some have invested lives in ancient indigenous music wisdom like the shona polyrhythms reminding us of blissful flow/trance/community, some practice and teach compassionate communication to generate a living alternative to the domination paradigm, some farm, etc

claim some satisfaction through such work and the moments in which fuller aliveness is thus regenerated

and in doing so, reweave a greater whole amidst the economic games of mammon, thus defining an ongoing struggle for integrity, remembering to be amidst all the doing, and to dearly love the tender self and other engendered with such an existentially conflicted position

it is not ours to suffer, but to respond to, with a zen delight if possible, at the absurdity of it all

funk dive

i don't know what is more off the hinge

hearing the awesomist funk band alidocious
in the divest bar in war zone burque

where leather abounds
and shorts like mine apparently break tabu

gay guys put their drink down next to ya
and introduce themselves with an unmistakeably warm shoulder rub

black and spanish gals wander by to try an occasional dance

an edgy guy offers to show you the silver bracelets he has for sale

and a spanish local and a greying wiry white biker
almost come to blows over pool etiquette

all while the band rips through one cooking funk tune
after another

under red spotlights
with mulitcolored neon coors signs behind

nothing like the burq

yes I danced a couple tunes

in fine fashion
and twitched the rest

yes three beers and a CD

yep I'm the violinist

clumsy enough to almost knock over the mike
handing off a CD mix at the second break

___________

it could be
my over-the-top insane
infatuation with the bass player

god is she gorgeous

those crazy bulging eyes
longest curly hair in town
pale stress-lined skin

she hugs everyone sweetly during the break
and plays barefoot all night

i was already in deep
from our goofy little rehearsals

but watching her hold down
the bottom to the six-piece funk all night long

and sharing an occasional smile amidst the groove
och

i tried praying around 1 am
went with the voice telling me to go
albeit hesitatingly

______________

i told myself early on
she's gotta be hooked up with someone in the band
or in some long term relationship with another woman

but it's possible she's a tantra gal
cuz she's got an interesting energy
some pagan magic or something

unpretentious and wide open but hard to read
enthused and strong and just a bit apart

i've had it with insecure impotent monogamy
back to a more honest strategy to maintain presence
amidst the insanity of interpersonal reality

'cuz being this crazy for someone
ain't good

no matter how uniquely cool

even with those long fingers
expressing so much

and that loose
black shirt

________

but what is most whacked
is the descent into the hell

of being so locked in
to a particular rhythmic feel

and so corded up
that there is soul loss

this must be ecstasy
as defined by the greeks
dionysian and distinct from bliss

i'll duck tape things together again this week
with a caffeinated 5 am smile
so you can't see

all these unmet needs

loneliness
strategic dependencies
esteem crushing sleeplessness

and complete lack of space
for personal significance

consuming all the joy there is

urban nonlinear at length

here at the internet cafe
simply to get out of the basement

all i want to do is hang out and drink beer and listen to live grunge music

life in albuquerque

playing with a thousand tunes and rhythms today
amidst the sudden onslaught of allergies
what the hell is wit dat

what's throwing pollen this time of year anyway
or is it just swine flu chemtrails

air is still as muck
and yesterday kind of suck

opposite-george dance night in santa fek
the pile of insecure beauties howling
amidst club music clubbing me in the head

makes me glad to be back in muttville
where we're all not so macho cool and beautifully precious
and there's serious hope for some mutual chemistry
with other flawed human beings seeking love and pleasure

i really wasn't pissed until the second beer with
the sf indian woman crowd

inculding her new lapdog
who seems nice enough
and shares her pretentious poser facade
perfect
i just don't need to see it all thanks
not unless you want me to get aussie on ya

on the other hand
there were a couple of very cool spanish dudes from the burq also at the table
who invited me to a serious brazilian drum jam Saturday

guess you gotta pay the dues if you wanna make the grooves

and it's right here in the slutty end of nob hill
where a classic dive has reopened under new name
restoring my faith in this town

and although already on four-to-five hour sleep averages
thanks to d***head landlord's ridiculously loud 4:30 am flute playing
on this my ostensible catch-up morning

i feel undeniably motivated to attend their 10 pm jam Saturday
which may mean an all-nighter
if things get gypsy and all

all of which bodes strangely for the coming week

------------------------

in the meantime
i sort through celtic and rom fusion tracks
wondering how to cover the foreign vocals
maybe that becomes my mutt niche
singing in fifteen indigenous tribal languages
with enough passion and commitment to honor it all
that's the challenge right

maybe an annoying jam tomorrow with the tap princess
and slacker djembe man
maybe he can help more to honor the compositions
i'm generating

not much tolerance for egoic mediocrity i tell ya

maybe i just leave the 3 strings left on the guitar
after my lazy ass effort at a string change faltered
turns out i was able to compose 2 1/2 songs with the three string approach

confirming my deeply felt sense there are no mistakes
just spazzing out as we try to find our real rhythm

and the celtic and the gypsy are the two spazziest genres there are
the fingers just play with absolute abandonment of nervous control
until some rhythm is found within that
yeah baby dat

can't claim celt roots
but maybe the albanEse have something to say

even would've had a youtube vid up
if the sound on the mic wasn't crushingly defective
stop breaking things i tell myself

but i do anyway

today i can't find my belt
yesterday my recorder
two city commuting
from this odd trip to that

musician's arrhythmic life
piles of goods in the car
packs of wires and clothes
cases and strings and cds
where's the mic

drive-work-salad-nap-shona class-dance-beer party-drive-web-4 hour sleep-flute alarm clock
and repeat

more or less

shona class inspiringly obscure
that rhythm on nhemamsasa
can't tell what's up or down
not to mention three or four

yummy sweat

hope for camraderie
cuz when you're putting out
you need the releases to clear the tension

city ways

hopes for the groove life after all
maybe without caffeine it holds together better
i'll miss it but not the headaches

small cups once in a while

da gnome

collective-autonomy-rhythm daydream

I seek these days
an elusive quality of easy company

common ground
shared values

less struggle to communicate
across dimly grasped canyons

varieties of pleasure

a closeness
understood to yet respect
individual growth and autonomy

you'll find your people
a friend recently affirmed

how grateful it is to hear

perhaps a new initiative:
more unabashed selfishness
in my requests

I guess a random sample
visualized

is at least a beginning

___________

wine and grapes
languishly fed
while draped across a summer porch

a new poem
excitedly read
across the quiet of a shared tatami

more floor sitting
pillows
and massage

every movement
a yogic stretch

contact improv dancing

clear initiatives
undeterred by the conspiracies of the world

and just not feeling so alone

the satisfaction of hard work
yes

yet perhaps more directly
for the cause

with empathy toward the bickering

and isn't there
so much more?

___________

some one who understands
the music
inside

brazil iran cuba rom
and all of africa

where there is less structural
and emotional
inhibition

in the way of good times
continuously regenerated
amidst life's distracting demands

why sit still?
eat or garden
sing in the fields

with shared bread amidst the jamming
why the hell not?

less ego formations
of a cluttered culture
to distract

from more joyful spontaneity
and immediacy of understanding

less rehearsal performance concert
pay this drink that sit there
sound just so

to gain the celebration
naturally found in dance

fewer perfect recordings judged
by lack of mistakes
rather than inspiration

more listening to the
sometimes random sounding
patterns in urban and rural nature

less equipment set up
in some assigned place
for agreed upon time slots

more ritual potlatch
and status reorganization
through collective liminal states

and mutual dreaming

of being free

together

in rhythm

transient

work day average
a little weak from just catching up on sleep
and not eating as much meat lately
small fridge

today I wrote:
our work is bliss and sustainability

this echoes last week's writing:
joyful permaculture solutions are the way through

___________________________

found grace in the reply to a phone call
to the former band's guitarist

touched by the outreach
and continuing connection

I had been praying for such a benevolent result
seems others must be praying too

hallelujah

_______

had an old kototama chant come forth naturally
in response to the landlord's
native flute style

really enjoyed a deeper connection than ever to

u a-uua

_______

new project more polyrhythmic today
I just go for it despite others' fears
for really nothing less than magic will do

played my guitar song in five
over their four
which was very enjoyable

came up with a new mando song on the spot
a newgrass type deal in D Mixolydian
glad she got that on tape

and later with the viola
found the reggae groove
everyone was searching for

________________

already some conflict
as the dancing percussion can be tight
with space and the spotlight

I like the ensemble
already feel a side project
coming on

I play rhythmically
and am not willing to play small
I'm guessing she'd prefer sweet violin lines

to my chugging along with riffs in between
the vamps I'm doing to accent or play off
the driving of the rhythm section

and an occasional loop suggesting alternatives
ever insisting the ride take off

in other words I'm generally either in her way
or stirring up insecurity by way of chaos

yeah that sounds like me

_________________

still it's just great to feel a polyrhythm or two
along the way

so karmaless that people forget
or don't notice

the musical transience

blessing party

I am grateful for
and feeling reconnected to
some of the men's ritual circles I've stood in

a part of healthy masculinity
enjoyable but less common these days
is the stretch to stand up in public

interrupt the flow of the ordinary
and bless


tonight I called together a circle of partygoers
and sang a song of blessing
to a child soon to be


I started off by honoring everyone in attendance
by acknowledging how touched I felt
meeting so many giving people

and witnessing how well the parents to be
are held in so many ways
by a strong and caring community


I later heard that some of the folks there
were dog park acquaintances

and intially thought I might have
well
overshot the mark on the toast

only to be reassured that while initially
meetings happened at the dog park

people had begun bringing food over
more and more often
to the mother to be

and how indeed we are all longing for
and recreating community


the song that came to me
I had never played before

it was a folk song
from the Basque culture
gathered by friends of mine

and used to bless others
by naming those being celebrated

amidst a groovy little beat


afterwards someone invited us to speak
or just give a word of blessing
into the circle

and so it was for a few minutes
til another song came to mind

seemingly appropriate
especially amidst old hippies

and now I know even
the older Spanish folks know
teach your children

and so concluded the brief ritual


people so enjoyed the focus
and offered appreciations
the rest of the evening

including the grandma to be
who went out of her way
to say many kind words to me
as we were packing up

celebrating the community
she had now met


after an afternoon of jamming with
some really pleasant young folks
I'd just met

I thought hey this musician's life
is really not too bad


if it can contribute to a deeper level
of community connection

making the contact between us
just that much more interactive
beautiful memorable

or just fun


then that is something I am moved by

and honored
to contribute

Ash and Central

it is an experience not without confusion

to notice while driving by
an attractive woman on the street

casually dressed

and to experience an immediate return of attention
interest

and seemingly even excitement
at the prospect of meeting

in person

calling to some long-buried
adolescent need

and generating an almost magnetic tension
amidst chakras

now I know
why it's called

a hook

epic thursday

moving two tons of shaw wine before 6 am
seeing a friend at the baking company on break
blowing through the rest of the workday strong
lunch and a beer with coworkers at second street

wondering if i should stay in santa fe a few hours
for a goofed up date idea that did not get finalized
with no phone number to check on

moseying down to madrid to consider
nothing going on and not in the mood for another beer
i head further down the turquoise trail

__________________________

a sign in cedar crest says banjo bob's
after driving another half mile
i am intrigued enough to turn around and check it

pleasant older man in a shack of banjos
playing on an old gibson
invites me to fiddle a couple tunes before his lesson
and sit in with the band at an upcoming gig

still wondering about the non-date
i turn slightly northward into the next parking lot
to find a dive bar just weird enough to sit at

enjoy my second margarita this month
made by a young blond female in shorts
overtipping obligatory

_______________

after some further pondering
head back toward santa fe
with dreams of blue eyed attention
and other mutually shared needs

why not try to connect i think

after all she sounded committed to going to the plaza
to hear willie nelson's daughter play
even if we didn't completely sign on

i can go and see if she is with anyone
feels like hanging out for the drink we talked about
or whatever

besides if all goes arigh there's a dance class i can go to
at the railyards

___________

so back up to santa fe a good hour from cedar crest
feeling good about finally making a decision

and i realize every encounter i've had with her
i've both enjoyed and felt welcomed

i already get that she has a strong connection to life
an open heart and grounded too
enough suffering to figure some things out

and hey it's nice to be attracted to someone my age...

so goes the pleasant train of thinking
back through the hills and plains
finally arriving at the plaza

and getting out of the car
what's the first thing i hear

opera

____

while i'm not sure of the genre
willie's daughter plays
i'm inclined to think its not opera

no it turns out its opera night on the plaza
blue eyes nowhere to be seen

amused i book over to a coworkers house
to scoop him up and into the dance class he knows nothing about
he's working and i am on my own

it's the warmup mini-wave when i arrive
looks like alec at the controls
bonus

turns into a long overdue evening of great dancing
to the grooviest world vibes
someone calls it global fusion

i'm bouncing and grooving
doing yoga on slower tracks
stretching out my driver-crunched back
and my wine box-lifting arms
and everything else

______________

i notice one woman i like dancing with sometimes
is sitting apart and crying
which there is plenty of space for

i lightly brush the tops of her feet as i go by
offering reassurance

and she looks so sad
i go and stand next to her to receive her leaning head
and she just cries a while

and i just hold her and breathe along with her
offer an occasional silent prayer
all very natural

a mutual friend comes over
a former lover briefly
and joins the meditation

as the song ends
like a healthy child the woman who was sad
pops up gives a hug and runs off to dance again

and former lovers
often a bit awkard in greeting
acknowledge an unexpected deeply enjoyable

reconnection

_________

i ask alec if i can get a copy of the evening's music
for my poly-party-music study

double bonus
he gives me copies he already has made!

this will inspire me to get the speakers hooked up
back in abq where i learn i do not need to move

after all

poly poly poly pa pa

the title
as I'm hearing it

would be a fast ten

hold on:
make it a thirteen!

glad to hear world class physicists
have been as fascinated with this stuff

it's keeping me up again tonight
as I was trying to be work-responsible
and settle in for early sleep

while offering some gentle prayers for
housing clarity

__________

an eleven beat measure occurs to me
stimulating a comparison
of elevens and twelves

broken down into twos and threes
leading to 33s and silliness

then I notice an hour has gone by
just trying to sort out where
the third of four beats
goes over an equivalent set of three

and then at some point
my brain just explodes
in some kaleidoscopic
weird triplet fiasco

_____________

of practical benefit
I'm hearing hoshos dueling with congas
in my new song now

the softer African groove part now may be
the main statement

and the harder theme
(perhaps more Cuban?)
the bridge

like runaway characters
writing their own way through a novel

there is some conversation
they are insisting on having

______________

as spaz alluded to
there is some definite psychology to all this

beyond the individual
but definitely felt very personally

this stuff I imagine could make one crazy
with kundalini

but having already been there and back
it simply sets me on fire

it explains so much in its
complete lack of stasis

in a way I can't fully expound
but definitely in line with zen koans
paradoxes set up to obliterate rationality
by merging two irreconcilable movements

it resolves conflict
by putting it in the service of joy

of life

____

for the unexpressed math whiz
who coincidentally would rhythmically
chant or tap himself to sleep as a child

it may redeem something of this
wandered life

where so long I've just wanted to fit somewhere
but always found myself exploring
whatever was in opposition
to anything I was doing

check the resume

____________

and practically speaking
the only person I know who would understand
this polyrhythmic fire
is up in Santa Fe

and commands a certain commitment
to be his student

he is now more available in some ways

now I understand on the inside
the profundity of the Shona tradition

can feel things now

and know what I want
distinguishing minanzi from other rhythms
through hosho and mbira study

supporting dance composition
while honoring the tradition for itself

I now understand the commitment
the music entails

____________

it may mean I commute back up
to Santa Fe

as soon as I sign on for a place down here

this has happened to me before
more than once

part of a signature
a certain significant nature

generating acceptance and gratitude
in the long drives

odd housing arrangements
and short sleep

of a comedically conflicted clown

which is which

I was going to fast today

I ate so much camping that I threw my back out

but then I heard the ice cream truck
blaring its happy tune
from the next block over

and thought that ice cream
would make the perfect breakfast

on the way over to the ice cream truck park
I decided it was so hot
to walk even five steps toward the park on the next block
would be foolish

so I got in my A/C car
and drove away from my wi-fi home
my laptop in the basement existence
underneath the tangle of power lines

where my root canal is no longer throbbing
creating massive headache
from the cell phone resonance
it seems to enjoy

and driving instead east
toward the cafes
where it is cooler

where I can instead eat a burger and oversized
milkshake
if I get all the way to Nob Hill

I instead head to Yusif's
where he will feed me iced mint tea
while I sit at his internet portals

typing away

__________

The traffic here is a bit like a video arcade
the cafes rather movie ish
Yusif's dreamlike

but nothing is as it seems now is it

matter energy

I'm working on a new magic
dropping homeopathic doses of love
into the whirlpools of disaster

from afar

hey we all find our level of activism

______________________________

yesterday I saw
in rapid succession

cat
butterfly
and roadrunner

it was an interesting mix
obviously the highlight of the day

today was writing three songs
all polyrhythmic
in rapid succession

soon I will go to the park
sit in the shade

and figure out which is
which

untitled

prayer
more prayer

prayer
that's all I can figure

healing stretches and prayer

alive music

city's tough
lots of distractions
prayer

it's all a prayer anyway
just a matter of how consciously for what

I guess

rhythms always changing
dying into next moment
prayer

koshari sad clown
remembering to laugh
prayer

koshari crazy clown
remembering to cry
prayer

no other hope but prayer

prayer

_____

may be homeless tomorrow
prayer
may be time for prayer
prayer

not even fascism
will see me choose violence
prayer

still worried about
the world
prayer

need to learn to pray
that much harder
prayer

pray for all those suffering
a lot of suffering in the world

miracles on the way
prayer

miracle in Iraq!
miracle in Israel!
miracle in Iran!
miracle in good ol' USA!
miracles on native lands the world over

will the miracles be televised?

________________

global debt forgiveness
would be a fine jubilee

reconciliations of all kinds
overdue

prayer

tribulations not last long
prayer

the good people carry on
prayer

give me the strength
and the wisdom
to witness and do
Your work

Creator

Prayer

mr. negative

I know it's negative and all
but I must be mentally deficient

I move down to ABQ
in the disgusting 100 degree heat of summer

move all my stuff into a basement apartment
that turns out to be sold a couple months later

presenting the immediate need to find a new place
the deposits for which will likely use up all my savings

and I find this out on the second day of what is supposed to be a two week vacation
which means no air travel

no happy workshops
where I unexpectedly meet the holistic woman of my dreams

and where I refine my barefoot healing skills
for a self actualized shamanic persona
amidst the post apocalyptic economy

and so forth

___________

and so I will go camping instead
very soon
today

as soon as I can convince myself I have everything I need
including a map so I know where I am going
and stuff like food

and really the stupidest thing is that I hate camping
it demonstrates to me my utter incompetence

suburban boy arrives at some site
usually too dark to see
setting up a ripped tent
with the flashlight in my mouth
batteries dying

remembering the only thing I hate more than camping
is camping alone

where there are no conversations
except the boring ones already in my own head

nothing to smoke
no music venues
no sports to watch
or women to meet

and nothing being accomplished
just money and time being spent
failing to relax

while soon another quarter century
of middle aged adult life will have raced by
and amidst a perenially fucked world

I'll drop dead

light in dark times

upon completing the 15 minute repair it took three days to get done
I felt a particularly helpful thought arise within
in regards to the coming global economic crunch times

there seems at least to be a growing consensus
of those willing to look at the reality of our situation
that economic collapse is as imminent
as our society is ill-prepared

October is the best guess
for the final tanking of the dollar

unless interrupted by the civil unrest
generated by the forced vaccination campaign
and arrest of resistors
simultaneously scheduled

or some concocted pretext
for World War III
also in the works

____________

I've considered a number of strategies
to meet needs for self-protection

before the singular thought shone through
proclaiming

I am already dead

what a relief to remember my mortality

there is a reason I suppose
I chose not to have kids
and this is likely it

so I can maintain my liberty until the end
choosing between dumpster diving

and sitting on the bank of a river
discontinuing eating
until I perish
and roll in

you may think this awfully maudlin
morose and overly dramatic
or just insane

it is liberating

for now I know I will neither run
nor fight

________

thus in the meantime
I will have all that precious energy and attention saved

for imploring community celebrations
while living with a loincloth
and pot on my head

unafraid to speak truth to power
suggesting the Central Bank be dismantled
amnesty granted to all nonviolent prisoners
and a jubilee of debt forgiveness for everyone

it would be a way for the criminals in charge
to save their skins
and repent

for there is a time coming
and it may be a month
or it may be another 10,000 years

when the forces of creation
will again find balance

and I want to be there
with you

__________


if I must go to prison
or be sacrificed in a death camp
along the way

I will go dancing
in community with my ancestors

and descendents with no enemies

looking to the end
for the rainbow bridge
between heaven and earth

knowing polyrhythmic prayer
sung in witness to the miracle of life

persists

Burque Celts

After spending most of admittedly shitty day hiding out in the basement from the 106 degree heat, I thought I should get some food and was planning on a overpriced burger and shake at Flying Star, but since I wasn't hungry decided it would be healthier to drink beer, so I stopped by Geckos which was dead, and then headed back through the Coop, surprised to glimpse yet another ex I hadn't seen in some time, who I'd met while drinking, which I took as yet another bad omen, but decided to nevertheless meet my destiny squarely by heading back to O'Neill's for the second night in a row, drink beer, get my face out in public and see who I might meet

turns out it was the monthly open mike night, which not only meant getting to hear the 14 year old folk festival fiddle contest winner again, who is really good, but to be pleasantly doused in Celtic this-and-that, as it was hosted by High Desert Pipe and Drum, a crew of kilt-wearing Scotsman, at least two of whom were so obnoxiously bawdy I began to wonder if this might be an ensemble I could join

as it would happen, I sat unknowingly at the front of the bar, so I could bear the full brunt of about ten sets of bagpipes, which I must admit I find stirring--it certainly stirred the people next to me out of their seats to the back of the bar--but for me the decibel levels were well within healthy range, especially in relation to one potentially deafening rock band I was in a few years back, and the sound is so organic, I just soaked it all in, remembering a Scottish friend's wake where bagpipes made me weep

there were Irish step dancers as well, who my seating gave me the most fabulous view of, reminding me of much about the Celts, including the indubitable sense that the dance reflects their peoples' journey, wherein I'm guessing they had to keep their upper bodies straight enough to function in the world of the empire to which they were often on the outskirts of, or subjugated to, all the while frantically pedalling below in order to keep alive their own vitality, communities, and connection to the Earth rhythms

and I took some guidance from this, although admittedly still waiting to be fully translated from metaphor into some clear course of action, and feeling complete with the celebrations of the evening with those around me, headed toward the door, to be re-greeted by the large kilted host, who I told I would bring the fiddle to play next month, upon which he took down my number so he could get me the music to Ass in the Graveyard, promising it to be a fine tune and one he would like me to play with the group

maybe tomorrow I will get the hood fixed, let go of the imperative to find the new apartment I now need, the money for which now prevents me from any air-travelling workshop, and instead buy a cooler and get out of town, so I can go sleep on a mountain and dunk myself in some river, since a third night in a row at O'Neill's would just make me a regular

an wee cont huv thoot nou con wee?

spaz

the last four jams I have played in
have all had significant moments
of polyrhythm taking flight

it seems many people have a natural capacity for it
even if it sounds goofy or wrong at first

keep at it
find the appropriate volume for the competing rhythms
and feel the transformation wash over
with new focus drive and joyfulness

I am thrilled at this unfoldment

since it expresses an essential truth to me
of some wisdom in the dancing body

that all people's have in their native music

and to connect with another culture's rhythm
or tonality for that matter

is liberating and to me
completely ecstatic

_____________

I became aware today
it reflects an essential process
of finding the divine within divergent voices

for there is always a relation between all rhythms
by nature there must be

and the effect is to bounce my body in a different direction
than it was originally headed with the single beat
setting up a ping pong game my brain enjoys

and spontaneously
my hands have become completely able to
maintain focus on the alt rhythm
without any thinking or analysis whatsoever

just jumping in with an upbeat or every third eighth note
or a three over a four

and no one has gotten angry at me yet

________________________

it is a strange and exquisite moment
to find that door opening
every time I play

it is a way to express my opposition to western civilization's more dogmatic forms
as well as making an existential statement about how life is
constantly getting bumped in a new direction
and being open to surfing it

and a way to resolve autonomy needs within music
since I am playing along
yet accenting something up-to-then hidden
already within the rhythm of the music

it allows my spasticity to find its purpose


polyrhythm
the gift of my handicap

a new genre I call

spaz

transitions

trying to remember a little empathy when things get rough
useful to take a breath and allow something coherent to arise to say
amidst whatever compelling need has arisen and driven me
from the expectations of some social situation
I don't function by
especially when dealing with kapha folks
or older slower-moving folks
or girlfriends
if I remember correctly

and really I am grateful for the progress I see in my relations
I am able to usually with a breath
at least account for the other person's right to have their needs too
amidst my scramble for an autonomy from their company
and the need for words
that don't have the space to arise naturally

for what I really long to do with
all of my time

is make offerings to the ancestors
with scraps of bread near the corners of the garden

remember the four directions when I smoke
and to bless

journey and dance amidst an awareness of auras
smudge

be aware of the chakras
and keep energy healthy and flowing
(smudging is good for that)

learn nonverbal skills
like being in compassion
rather than speaking it

assert myself with skill and grace
from an unquestioned autonomy
expressed with self-esteem

and practice healing arts like
partner yoga stretches

oh and that tantra thing

_________________

after heading out on my own
I found no one dancing at the yoga center

weekly dances start next week

so I walked out onto Central in Edo
wondering what to do

I turned to walk
and a beautiful woman was getting out of her car
in front of me
in jeans and her curly hair tied back
walking with a style of hip movement I could appreciate
and I was heading that way anyway more or less

and she turned into this nice upscale pizza place
with a bar I decided to have a beer at
where there were beautiful bartenders
young, friendly, dressed in black

and walking out a pint fuller
I turned
and a gorgeous woman was just ahead of me
stunning tall thin and decked out
and I was kind of curious what was that way anyway
so I walked by the front door
of the restaurant she had walked into
to see what it was like in there
and it was nice

and I wondered if there is a bar to sit at
and at the bar was a gorgeous young woman decked out
taking up some space with electronic equipment of some kind

and despite the free seat next to her
I made some excuse to the hostess
who seemed somehow amused
and continued to express my autonomy
leaving

and a few feet out the door I turned
and there was an incredible beauty
getting out of her car

in a lovely loose tan dress
accentuating exquisite feminine curves
and medium blonde hair gently swaying
along with the movement

who I didn't stare at
until she was quite already past me

and out of range
where I began walking backwards
so I could marvel at her motion

and thought
what a lovely series of moments

as I watched her turn
into the upscale pizza parlor

in between the nice restaurant
and the darkened dance floor

in Edo