mr. negative

I know it's negative and all
but I must be mentally deficient

I move down to ABQ
in the disgusting 100 degree heat of summer

move all my stuff into a basement apartment
that turns out to be sold a couple months later

presenting the immediate need to find a new place
the deposits for which will likely use up all my savings

and I find this out on the second day of what is supposed to be a two week vacation
which means no air travel

no happy workshops
where I unexpectedly meet the holistic woman of my dreams

and where I refine my barefoot healing skills
for a self actualized shamanic persona
amidst the post apocalyptic economy

and so forth

___________

and so I will go camping instead
very soon
today

as soon as I can convince myself I have everything I need
including a map so I know where I am going
and stuff like food

and really the stupidest thing is that I hate camping
it demonstrates to me my utter incompetence

suburban boy arrives at some site
usually too dark to see
setting up a ripped tent
with the flashlight in my mouth
batteries dying

remembering the only thing I hate more than camping
is camping alone

where there are no conversations
except the boring ones already in my own head

nothing to smoke
no music venues
no sports to watch
or women to meet

and nothing being accomplished
just money and time being spent
failing to relax

while soon another quarter century
of middle aged adult life will have raced by
and amidst a perenially fucked world

I'll drop dead