i have not been satisfied with the workplace since getting back
and have been awaiting inspiration of some kind
i decided to increase my attitude and that has helped
i forget this but it is often the case
as soon as i detach a little bit from the structure of someone else's idea of work
there is both space to move
and greater appreciation for my work
because i am now working for my own satisfaction
with the idea i might do something else beginning this summer
my autonomy is further amplified
regardless of whether or not i actually take off
--i will be conversing with these hands to decide--
yet i am deeper in my skin
and in harmony with the reality of life in its current format
which is that there is less and less security in conventional plans
work ten or twenty years toward some vague plan of retirement
i am working class
i expect to work until the day i die
and i no longer resent this
for i enjoy it
i wish to learn to enjoy it more completely
security is anyway found in growth
new experience and deepening relations
skill development
sensing where one's passion
meets the world's need
and finding some use for oneself
toward the Earth
for it is She and not money
who survives
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