On the Way

A final afternoon in Burque reminds me how relatively easy things are down here. There is less drama, more anonymity (for me at least), a tad more oxygen. But I think this may not be the time for prioritizing ease.

I will now be living in a yurt, and occasional tent, in the hills. There is a month or so for my friend and I to get power, water, and heat squared away for the autumn, which comes early at 8000 feet. It is nearly half an hour on rough roads to work, where we do twice the volume of the store I worked at down here. I currently have less than $200 in the bank.

Why? I am following the calling of Spirit as best I can. I am helping one of my closest friends, who has been ill for several years, to try and get a safe place to live, so he can begin to rebuild his strength. I am seeking to purify the channel between myself and Creator, and I have been impressed by the power of the land to support it offers my meditations.

In this regard, I have been vegetarian for nearly two months now, as well as free of alcohol and sexual activity. Because I was ready for them, these practices have not been particularly difficult. It also has helped that my focus is clear: I want to become the change I seek in the world. I long to be on a path of spiritual service, less concerned with fleeting satisfactions of the self, more invested in that which persists.

So these are some of the things I have chosen to that end. I don't know where I will be called or how the economics will manifest. I am trusting that by doing the things I am more immediately called to, a path unfolds.

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This week, I have added an intention to eliminate what have proven to be further distractions: coffee and pot. I expect this will be harder, as I work at the busiest retail environment in New Mexico, and as most of my closest friends are stoners. I have also, at times, just enjoyed using these substances. Shunning them, I will be sacrificing some of those endorphin-rich spaces people use for bonding.

It is no coincidence I am dealing with these together, as they share similarities in the experiences they promote. Both promise more. Users of either dismiss any concerns about their use. Pot expands awareness, and coffee generates greater performance in the world, right?

Well both are hindering the clarity of my chi now. Coffee drains the natural energy of the body, that which comes from sleeping deeply and waking up refreshed. And pot creates too much desire--spiritual desire included. There is too much chatter, perhaps too much enlightenment? Both generate a kind of drama I no longer need. Caffeinated heroic achievement of overworking for peanuts turns out to be self-defeating. Anandamide synapse-mediated weaving of vast abstractions becomes confusing to try to maintain or translate.

I want greater simplicity.

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I don't know if there is a monastery or community I will belong to. I don't know if I will farm or take up some particular form of service to others. I don't know if family needs will call.

Perhaps these will prove to be times of social collapse, and we will find ourselves exactly where we are, with just our deepest resources to find our way.

In all cases, I wish to be as ready as I can be to follow the callings that may arise, by following those callings I find now. On the way.