the problem with weed
it's not just the hormonal feminization that arises
nor the critique of all that is convention
it is the psychological passivity
-----
when i've smoked
there is often a tremendous unfoldment
awareness, appetites, and a depth of process
as what was just below the surface
of the daily worry comes to the fore
in a way that is more than metaphor
god himself has returned
and I know what i want
and i enjoy this moment's life
a sunset, a hug
in a very ancient way
needless to say
powerful medicine
i intuit the stretches my body needs
and relax into them with a luxury
new perspectives arise naturally
and intractable problems
are instantly reframed
as tremendous opportunities
for personal growth exactly matching
the situation and my inner path
and so on
-----
the next day or week
what happens?
a stress comes up
and my frustration is often high
for i know there is a solution
i just need to get a little better access
to the subconscious
and then comes a choice:
if i smoke more
then i am limiting my access
to such deeper states
to a single strategy
and hey maybe i don't have any smoke
or am in a situation where it doesn't fit;
if i don't smoke
what i find on the other side of the frustration
is that i am waiting for god
to tell me what to do
and god generally doesn't show
for i have not forged other avenues to the divine
and if i am not careful
i can wait and wait
while the infrastraucture of my life
falls apart;
at its extreme
there is even a moral sense of foreboding
around actually doing anything active
as if it is a sin that will potentially pre-empt
god's word and plan coming through
-----
what has happened
is a shift in paradigm from freedom
to suffering and it is subtle
a teacher once called it
the golden chains of slavery
for the parasympathetic memory imprint
is not sufficient on its own in the nervous system
to recreate the experience
as a medicine, a reminder
it is possible it can help
but in either case, more is needed
a path, an action, a practice
resetting the sympathetic nervous system
the active neuronal net
and that is what i am now doing
-----
it may sound like a new year's resolution
to again take up bodybuilding
but this is part of the path for me
in maintaining my masculine balance
and to forge a path to endorphin-rich states
that are independent of external elements
prayer and meditation and empathy
ae also becoming more active
as is my dream life
and all are welcomed
with gratitude
-----
in moving between yin and yang
a third path is found
a middle way
which polishes the self
where intention is exetnded into the world
without any hindrance of self-consciousness
plans are made, work gets done
and then room is made for the other side
to see how the universe responds to our plans
to allow for flexibility in the manifestation
to let go of control
while maintaining
chi
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