renew year

new year intentions

are a natural thing
with the turning of a page

my commitment to bodybuilding
comes not from ego looks

but to reset a hormonal vitality
interrupted by weed

which like in high school
i smoked to find community

i can do better now

-----

last night i played viola

at the local dances of universal peace
new year celebration

thought i might have a date
but it was a longshot

my last lover of two years ago
was there though

on her boyfriend's lap
it's all good

i am going to nicaragua
in a little over two weeks

i have the tickets
a leave of absence from work

and i am psyched

-----

my main intention
arose from a meditation

it is to learn the art of
being with people

last night i found both
the gift and challenge of it

it was blissful chanting sufi songs
with a group of 100 fellow celebrants

after three hours of eye contact
playing music and hugs

i was completely exhausted
and went to bed

self care matters too

-----

my application is almost complete

for the intentional community
down south

it will be two weeks there
with the option of another six

if i don't like it
i can either head back to the finca

goof off on a beach a while
eating seafood and fiddling

or try to hook up with an NGO
and make myself useful

there's also still the option
of jetsetting off to deutschland

watch the kids
and carry on over there

-----

planning on coming back
in early april

with the job still waiting
what a gift this struggle has been

to learn to just ask
for exactly what one wants

after all this year's suffering
i've remembered to pray

and now i know i've come through
to the next phase

of Life