New York dream

aspects I am not

flaky slow easygoing nice

yes I have been these
taken them on over years
and found myself listless

there is a train coming down the track
and I am it

no more hanging out
drinking smoking
that's no longer quality of life to me

and if some permaculture dream
is gonna come around
it may too be a long time coming

too many years wasted
waiting

all I have now are my drives
work sex and order

and I am not a patient man

___________________

ok then
I can temper the tone

different boundaries here
mellowness matters

gentle softer quieter
people's boundaries are more open
extend further from the body

so one needs less volume
to communicate

more sensitivity
and less emotion

for people take things personally

efficiency matters less
as does professionalism

there's no stress here
if you miss an exit
or get lost

no time pressure here
no getting written up
for working too slow

only for working so fast
that you become impatient

no money pressure here
driving the social train

slow down
smile

and use that compassionate
communication
crap

___________


I really want to frikin get married
actually

I know
it's embarrassingly
non-cool

but 46 and single sucks

I mean it's better than disaster sure--
but why the hell am I sooooooooooo
frikin single

I've tried being a nice guy
for decades

not impose predetermined relational structure
or the desire thereof
onto postmodern women and their apparent autonomy needs

but sometimes I wonder if its all a crock
especially when over and over
a woman needing freedom
suddenly finds herself
happily engaged

with a man bold enough to proclaim his longings

while I dither and couch my feelings
in cosmic could-be's
gentle arroyo journeys
and everything that is not dangerously
close to possessiveness
like love sex and monogamy

____________________

meanwhile since I have no life
I plan to start working fifty-hour weeks soon

maybe with a stable career
I'll have something to offer all the women
on the other side of these personal ads

requesting financial security

from the suckers who would be
their mates

at least there will be someone
to buy a new fridge for
or take out a mortgage

if she remembers to thank me
and bring me a cold beer
while I nod in agreement
while watching Fox News

we'll call it a relationship

and let the world go to hell

while we fill in the missing colors
in each other's paint-by-number
dreams