reply

yesterday after writing all those
what seem like stupid questions

I realized I know nothing at all
everything is complete nonsense

I always thought that the zen sense of emptiness
was a different realm than the despair sense of it

but last night I felt the common space
of their co-mingling

with my sister suffering the ravages of MS
what is there left to believe in

to hold onto anything in this life
seems obvious vanity

but even this I can't think enough
to say I know

yet after some hours of this
feeling completely like a stunad

something rose up
and spoke for me

from this emptiness
bold lovingness arises
with which we serve life

and I thought this quite reminiscent
of Viktor Frankl's assertion that

even when there is nothing at all
to hold, eat, live for, believe in

some freedom remains
an essential choice

of who we are
and are to be

and it suddenly seems
the most essential self

is not anything we receive from life
or anything we experience

but only exists when we make that choice
to live by way of asserting life

or as Frankl puts it, it is useless
to ask God what our mission is

our job in relation to this life
is to reply