sane evening

this evening
rested from a nap
I wrote an alt.country song

I know it's country
because it's sad and sappy

I know it's alt.
because it doesn't take itself too serious
and it reminds me of Joe

I then wrote some notes
regarding my personal state of existence
from a slightly deeper perspective
than I've allowed myself

amidst the stresses of
this week's odd experiment
in pushing for management

___________________

my first note
a reminder to
maintain awareness

for without awareness
I have little hope to really be
of service to others at work
and thus enjoying myself

awareness allows me to remain
in charge of my own reality

perceive what is going on
in a way that I can stay connected to what is needed
and hence ask for it or just make it happen

the entire key being setting the boundaries
to remain autonomous enough
to make choices

proactively set the tone and even content
of conversations

and to care

________

and then I cried
because I realized it has been an entire week
without caring

and then I celebrated
because I realized I still care
about caring

and am adjusting my priorities
accordingly

________

after a few other work related notes
I went out to Tiny's

feeling German in cool rainy drizzle
lacking lederhosen I went with
boots, leather, green shorts, black tee

happily munching on food
watching an excellent basketball game
and sipping on Coronas

some crisp R&B band
inheriting the soundspace
soon filled with rockin grooves

I borrowed a waitress's phone
to call a woman I've seen a bit of
though less lately amidst her transitions

it felt honest
to at least reach out
one more time
with an invitational message

I was then sane enough
to allow the scene to diminish

Nuggets win
second set less interesting
and she an unsurprising no-show

and pass on a new buddy's offer
to buy me a third beer

________________

on the way home
I thanked myself for my moderation

tomorrow another day
(with an evening party invitation
from a local tantric weirdo to consider)

the two beers a nice natural limit
an amount my body enjoys
hangover free plus legal to drive

during which I pondered
the wisdom of transferring to ABQ
sooner rather than later

while my 160 pound frame
having lifted roughly 20 tons this week
is still intact

thus reminding me
to end the night with
an ensuing hot bath

filled with epsom salts