Wednesday, January 26, 2011

seeking integrity in these times

if i were to try to blog on single focused subjects
i would be blogging almost endlessly
and this is not so much due to slightly schizophrenic tendencies
but the interconnected state of the world
in which my economic and social status turn out to be
a direct reflection of the barely suppressed chaos
that is america

as i write i sometimes feel relief
and this may be as much reason to write as any
for in writing i can begin to celebrate the fascinating complexity
of reality at this time in human evolution
which i would venture to say is unparalleled

i mean growing up in the middle ages probably sucked bad
but at least one understood one's lot as a serf on a farm
and could therefore maintain the heroic focus
which peasants have worldwide over millenia
trying to survive and raise families
amidst the often intense personal violence and oppression
of ruling class shenanigans and religious intolerance

nowadays it is unclear just what the social contract is
between the ruling class who have become so well-hidden
that to try to point them out immediately qualifies one as a nutty conspiracist

and modern serfs who coincidentally are rapidly growing in number
due to theft of their homes through fraudulent foreclosure scams
and the gutting of the american economy by multinationals
as well as untold trillions spent in militaristic ventures
that kill millions of innocent people and poison the planet
supposedly to protect us from terrorism

__________________


well i will tell you how it is
but you can look up what happened to the uss liberty in 1967
if you want to know just how the world works:

there is a shadow government named the CIA formed in 1947
that in 1963 in a bloody coup took hold of this country
killing over six million mostly democratic activists like allende in dozens of countries
while running drugs and guns in support of dictatorships around the world
gradually installing their own pyramidal structure of psychopaths

to achieve their spectacularly display of domestic mass murder in september of 2001

with the help of the global banksters and a bought-out congress
gutting the economy with trillion dollar bailouts
currency destruction and recent forays to outlaw home gardening
they are driving the usa incessantly toward a desperate fascism
beyond the huxleyan phase of distraction we have just completed
on to the hardcore orwellian phase we have just begun:

_________________


the line they have crossed is called the TSA
who subject all domestic flight passengers to the threat of radiation
or sexual molestation if they wish to continue to travel by air
under the guise of a threat of another underwear bomber
who it turns out was nothing but a CIA dupe
a confused young muslim easily recruited
through that agencys arabic branch known as al qaeda

one can tell because its the same modus operandi
as all the other so-called terrorist events
in which there are gaping holes in the official story
whose evidence drops into a black hole
upon handling by the ever-reliable FBI

in this case two huge leads were completely ignored by so-called investigators:
the startling revelation of a passenger observed to have been filming the entire flight
including calmly standing to record the fire
and first hand reports of a tall indian man who helped the young nigerian bomber
who couldn't even find the right gate to get on the plane
despite the bomber not even having a passport
reports of which unsurprisingly found no traction
in a mass media managed more effectively than in the old ussr

all of which conveniently led to multi-million dollar profits
for some collaborating corporation producing x-ray machines
to be installed at every major airport
as well as the psychologically pinpointed stress
of invasive groping of crotches including reaching into people's underwear
with gloves unchanged from person to person

with all resisters threatened tackled or arrested
as a test case scenario of how pliant the public has become


________________


i for one will be taking the train in my own small personal boycott
for even if i would not be one of those selected for such gestapo treatment
to witness others subject to such tactics without protesting
would be tantamount to a collaboration
my good german ancestors attempted to get by with
and in doing so sacrificed their country to evil

it means sacrificing an extra day of work
in order to travel 20 hours each way
but the inconvenience is the least i can do
as global events from gmo food to atmospheric manipulation
to bankster theft of the entire nation's wealth
to authoritarian enforcement of illegal statutes
prohibiting people from sleeping or eating
continue to threaten personal sovereignty
with overwhelming force

on the upside jesse ventura has joined the air travel boycott
along with his lawsuit of the TSA gropers filed yesterday

unfortunately there are also breaking reports
that amtrak has now instituted mobile x-ray scanners
on the L A branch i will be traveling
so confrontation may be inevitable after all
but hey we do the best we can to avoid it
and then deal with it as we must

i consider it all further training
not only in preparation for functioning amidst the postmodern order of things
but in discerning with little outside support
what is real and worth fighting for

while maintaining the psychological serenity
and physical health also called for
by the overarching need

for integrity

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

moonshine

last night the moon was full enough
as it rose above the southernmost tip of the rockies

that i connected directly with its beauty
with life and gratitude

i did not need to linger or indulge
just acknowledge

that beyond this paradigm or that
doing or not-doing

haarp assassinations
running out of money

hopi prophecy
and broken bicycles

reality persists

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

in search of the real

probably been semi-consciously avoiding old friends

because i am quite codependent and easily influenced
taking on the norms of whoever i am around
it has always been so for me

today i wonder if i will be presented
with an invitation to smoke or drink
and how i will respond

for in terms of generating a shared psychic space
i don't really have much of an inviting counter-offer

go dancing outside in the afternoon sun bro?

-----

drinking's not a big deal for me either way
i just don't enjoy it as much as i used to
i tend to get more bloated and tired
than relaxed or buzzed

pot as most of you know i enjoy
probably a little too much for my own good

in nvc terms it is a synergistic satisfier
meeting a lot of needs at once

relaxing stimulating creative inspiring
enjoying heightened appetites
insight and laughter

triggering the genius i was once thought to be
now long subdued by laborious decades

-----

yet the subtle delusion i've become aware of
is a kind of spiritual approach the medicine fosters:
a dawning of awareness that the external world
is illusory, and even obviously so!

thus inner practices become paramount
amidst ensuing hippie smugness

a taoist tantric self-mastery
an unfoldment of something within the flood of inspiration
and then a simple sharing of this awakening with others

which usually reduces to simply reigniting the inspiration
of neuronic pathways through continued use

and who will understand one's metaphors
when trying to convince them or the conspiracy of things
amidst one's diminishing taste

and thus capacity for functioning
within manipulated money boxes?

the problem being that it is very likely this approach
at least as much as the world as we know it

that is illusory

-----

i know there is a third path
a middle way

i came out here for this
the natural high of a transformed cleansed macrobiotic path
of gardens and sauerkraut

grounded in the source energy
before it splits off into the inner and the outer

yet when i chant the sounds now
according to the chart of the third civilization
i have awaited for 28 years

i am neither zen nor tao
just stupid with a brief reactive psychosis

that garbed in black shouts:
strike three yer out!

Saturday, January 15, 2011

wisdom in boredom

my current practice is an odd one:
it is to allow myself
to be bored

it's a spin off
from my quitting pot and alcohol
for the year

i notice i am on the edge of boredom
often

i also notice an internalized voice
of the cultural meem
that says whatever you do
don't ever be boring/bored

it's an insidious value
i am thrilled to let go of

cuz when i let go of that attitude
a privilege of expected entertainment

life suddenly gets good

-----

boredom has many perks
it is a stone's throw away from serenity

often just needing a walk around the block
or a mandolin song to achieve

a glass of water
or an acknowledgment of sunshine

or i just take a breath
and then the next moment comes

boredom allows the mind to rest
the dreams to come forth
appetites to rise

it is perhaps an essential spiritual practice
I imagine it is an experience shared by all of humanity
but how often do we remember to enjoy it?

------

i do not need to go out
and seek some new experience
nor do i need to alter my situation internally

my intellectual capacities return in an integrated way
that is hard to pin down
but has something to do with an innate balance
between willing and allowing flow

that has rewoven itself

rather than 100 fascinations
i can hardly keep up with
that end up fizzling anyway

there is but an occasional interesting thought
arising out of a connected sort of usefulness
and carrying on toward its own destination

-----

mostly boredom keeps me connected with gratitude:
how luscious it is to have a cozy place to sleep
decent food to eat
work i enjoy
and a few friends to converse with

i look forward to developing simple hobbies
making sauerkraut at home maybe
a small garden plot

walking a friend's dog

Monday, January 10, 2011

just this

well since i'm here at the satellite cafe
i will take this opportunity to say
i am better than i was

over the two week flu
settled in a temp place
eating better--and more!
enjoying work for the most part

it's probably good for me to have quit
smoking and drinking this year

it's weird though
suddenly being over all the existential crap
that has plagued me for 47 years

even thought the nazi fema cia homeland
psy-op death march continues

i am going on dates
making money and
watching football

i know this disappoints all my fellow
conspirators young and old

i hope to get a place
where i can have a garden
and get the canine companion
i've wanted for a couple decades

i've been on the edge of anarchy
i've sought transformation

yet i've rarely indulged in the simple pleasure
of living with self-esteem

not sure there will be much left to blog about
perhaps a vision will come along
some purer tantra or zen thing

empathy or dance
justice for streetpeople

or a crop circle to get excited about



Tuesday, January 4, 2011

january bites

what shall i entitle this rant
i suppose the words shall determine
whether i am angry sad or amused
its all the same to me really

went to head to the bank this morning
to deposit ten dollars worth of coins
so that i can buy some more minutes
so that i can make and receive calls
in regards to finding a rental place

the van died around the block
maybe it didn't enjoy the last two single-digit mornings
could also be that my life is just a sitcom
for the random amusement of capricious gods

i got a container of gas that didn't help matters
triple-a california came through
as i was loading up my bike
and stuffing my sleeping bag into a backpack
since i am not sure where i'll be sleeping tomorrow night

got it over to the shop and biked home
stopping on the way at the bank
i see why natural people worshipped the sun
cuz when its grey and windy in wintertime
the cold feels all the more threatening

if i could rest i could get over the flu
and enjoy work while my fingers heal
but now my paycheck may not even cover the car repair
no less the overdue insurance
or the rent and deposit i hope to pay someone
or food or gas or phone minutes
or whatever the hell else
humans are supposed to have and do

for any of you who happen to be middle class
don't be fooled you are no different than
and not far from being out here with us

on the bike
in the cold
in the van
on the beach

on the street