winter blues

Seems to me we are simply at the beginning of the transition times. Yet already such a lack of warmth everywhere. Any empathy must come from me. And like everyone else I am too tired and poor to muster up any consistent effort. I have almost no friends at all now. Too busy working and dealing with the stresses of this life in the working class...of the capitalist empire.

I may yet get out, I may not. Health needs, dental needs, the general ravages of aging on one's strength, and a million things to do--it will be something of a miracle if I get on with this travel plan, and doubly so if some latent disaster doesn't befall me on the adventure. Yes I will exercise, improve circulation, avoid sugar, floss daily, take vitamins, get the car worked on, do more Occupying, practice the fiddle, and plow through pages and pages of such lists which just cover basic maintenance. Then maybe I will earn some divine love from some overseer, or at least a dance with some woman who has forgotten we fought years ago.

The grand IQ has proferred no benefits on this life. I watch as idiotic yes-people get promoted throughout the supposedly enlightened corporation I work for. An entire social movement fails to focus on the lynchpin need to reform the nation's central bank. Former friends rip me for trying to make subtle distinctions.

I hibernate in the basement, knowing not what else to do. Old folks don't like the winter.

on contribution and renewal

It's been a quiet week for me, as far as Occupying anything. With a day off and renewed energy, I expect to get out to some of today's activities--the UNM teach-in, for starters.

I've been all out just getting through the work day and commute, while trying to catch up on sleep. I'm happy to report my energy clearing up after some weeks of a mystery illness. I am quite sure it was a form of very effective prayer which dissolved the stagnation, allowing my body to recover. It was all I could do, while fumbling ineptly through the medical system trying to get an appointment.

Thank God for internal resources!

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It's the first day in a while I've felt like walking. The combination of the morning coolness and the beauty of Silver Avenue brought me great gratitude for this moment. I have lived in some amazingly beautiful places--a few blocks from lovely beaches of OB, at the very edge of Arroyo Hondo in Santa Fe, here... I've been very fortunate.

The constant moves are of course a mixed blessing. They have fostered an appreciation of the passing moments of aliveness in each place, concomitant with a growing non-attachment. At 48, I am ready to begin the process of actually settling somewhere. I am not sure where, or what the exchange will be. I seek community in a deeper sense, a vibrational priority, and service.

In 51 days, the quest begins. On January 1, 2012, my current rental will come to an end. I intend to terminate my current employment on the same day. Ironically or not, the path to settling on a home appears to begin with massive travel. Invitations to Central America and Europe open up avenues to explore permaculture projects, spiritual communities, education in nonviolent social transformation, and direct service to others.

I will likely return in late spring to the states and continue this unfoldment, with a mind to focus on direct service such as hospice, helping the homeless, and supporting those with severe disabilities.

All of these activities are within the curriculum of what I call contribution economics. Each arises from a sovereign place of being within the self, and extends outward to meet the world. Each is sourced not in debt, but in a place of infinite abundance.

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It has become clear that debt-based money has been the primary vehicle for the generation of wars, enslavement, poverty, and environmental destruction. Interest = Inflation = Tax = Usury. Certainly there is value in addressing, even empathically, the intentions of those, the 1%, who create and perpetuate this system of domination.

There is also value in just getting beyond their destructive system, into those honest exchanges by which individuals and societies truly and mutually benefit.

Whether one is a Tea Partier or an Occupier, one thing is becoming clear. The values of these United States have been, perhaps primarily, an ongoing centuries-long struggle between debt-based manipulations and the free exchanges by which humans arrive at their natural inclinations for mutual support, peace and prosperity, social progress and environmental care.

This is my agenda.

on the way to sovereignty

tough day the 2nd day back feeling a little under the weather on a short turnaround with cold weather still heading uphill on the workweek with a time change thrown in for good measure

also short on cash and with some bills to pay and some more car care to do along with an overdue visit to a western doc

the finca wants to know my plans and i've been dithering, not feeling really psyched for farming actually

it was good to clear my mind out on the beach, its back to just not having time or energy to even think amidst stupid commutes to a job that is just no longer any fun

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of course i try to be grateful and practical in this crap economy with an authoritarian crackdown due any time, not to be paranoid, but all the protesters and leftists and homeless and poor all camped out right where the cops know, is an interesting development

i think the movement's strength is in its complete nonviolent naivete, which must be baffling to the endless strategic mindset of the 1% who know they own all the violence and manipulation power in the world, yet strangely its not as applicable anymore

i really should stick around i suppose, but i am just so sick of americas bullshit over so many years, especially the collaboration of the middle class with the exploitation and violence exported all over the world, the compartmentalization i can never really forgive or belong amidst

or claim a space within for a personal life, in its demand for those middle class resource use patterns to attract the kind of woman to have a family with, which i admit has left me with a touch of misogyny as well

diamond wearers

i would like to settle down and have a nice home somewhere, even if its a rental, so long as its not being remodeled and sold out from under me like the last several places i have lived, is it any wonder were all so exhausted, trying to hold onto some invisible tether to some righteous values which mostly comes alive only in giving a buck to a guy on the corner

i'd like a humble life with a humble relationship somewhere, maybe the south of france if it hasn't all been yuppified, maybe that land around berlin i heard was still cheap, finding a partner is another deal, but hey maybe just being a place im not trying to leave has gotta help

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global citizen, ambassador for empathy, start by farming and see what comes up, let the emigration begin, at least part time, with central america where i have never been and hence despite my both positive and negative conjectures know absolutely nothing about how it will be to be living in

will i be relieved to be out, or paranoid at my lack of belonging, or will i find more belonging than i have here, or will i be panicked by lack of money, or will it be one of those stupid disasters where my health breaks down the same time i run out of money amidst social upheaval and a nervous breakdown

who cares, i need to feel more alive than this

until then its occupy i guess, at least its something i can say i was at, some vague yelp in the general direction of the bastards, maybe more in the direction of comrades to hear and know they are not alone

already i see that in the young people eyes and it is very satisfying, when they look at me and my grey beard but my alive eyes and wonder who the hell i am

tell them: middle-aged migrant farm volunteer illegal-immigrant-wannabe, part-time itinerant expat musician, nonviolent anarchist-socialist

empath awaiting dawn

the jubilee begins

Today, I will return to the workday world. At 5000 feet, I already feel the difference in blood pressure from its sea-level ease. I seek to maintain focus on the bigger picture of self-care and life's directives amidst the bustling distraction of my workplace. Make an appointment with an MD for blood work, and discuss current plans with my employer. That is the order of the day.

Yesterday, in the rain, I leapt into a cold stormy Pacific in shorts I would later realize the need to carry home wet in a plastic bag. I was seen off with a ride to the airport and group hug from a trio of beautiful women.

The day before I climbed a tree with a new young friend who would also lead me off established trails into magical vistas at a place called Torrey Pines. The all-day field trip led into yet another delicious potluck music-jam evening with outdoor prayer circle.

The previous day my friend and I did yoga in the warm sunshine and ocean shallows, playing a dozen games with a strong 12-foot strand of seaweed. It was then it occurred to me this was exactly what I needed, a complete reset of the mind into the now of joyful encounters.

There was good music played and more of the best food I have ever eaten. My herb dosages were well-managed, and significant cuddling activities were enjoyed throughout the visit.

A few momentary conflicts arrived to add spice along with the satisfaction of moving through them with minimal drama. I lovingly detached further from a former crush and the choices she faces. Aside from a few hours of unanticipated low-blood sugar, I managed to enjoy being in a continuous social circle for nearly three straight days.

I spent very little money there. A $10 park fee, $20 at farmers market, organic coffee and morning muffins at the cafe...all added up to less than $50. The hugs and seaweed jump-rope were free...and so very freeing.

I find the communities that support the gifts I have to offer, by offering them--as I intend to across several diverse settings in the first half of the new year. The course outline includes cooperative farming, music and music teaching, empathy education, and in general responding to community needs. Holistic healing, chi-centered education, and shared spiritual commitment are also among the possibilities. And it all really is rooted in presence.

With remaining savings, I will return in July to the places/people/activities I like best. By then, there may well be an entirely new economic landscape in the world--and I am lobbying strong for the jubilee vision!

There is always joe's, where hopefully my standing remains positive, for possible rehire if further capital is again required in spring or summer. Trading 6-10 months of a decent company job for 2-6 months of community living is a sound back-up plan, which still allows the path to unfold.

Onward into unfolding the contribution economies!