manifesting

The world needs small farmers. You really can't fail trying to grow food, even if all goes awry. Because you are having a conversation with Life.

These are the words that came out of my mouth yesterday, out at Spotty Dog Farm. And this is true not only for growing food, but for all those Life-connected inspirations that call to us. We are here to grow and learn, to live our dreams. What are yours?

I've stepped up in the last week, into the energy of commitment. I have about twelve pressing visions on my list right now, and I am not sure which I am manifesting in what order. But I have committed to them. And it has changed the field I am playing on.

Since then, I have jammed with great rhythmic musicians, met with folks working on development projects in Nicaragua, inquired about transferring to Albuquerque, was given new interesting tasks at my current store, attended a strong yoga class, picked up and played each of my instruments, and so on. The dance community really seems to enjoy my energy, too.

More importantly, my own life energy rose up tenfold. Committing to my dreams, I became immediately more interested in my life. I am less self-conscious, and people respond to me differently. I highly recommend this course of internal action. There is no downside.

It has become more and more clear to me that I am a catalyst-type of person. If I live half-consciously, I manifest weirdness. But when I step up and take charge of situations, break up the robotic rhythm with leadership, insist on clear communication, and most of all focus on en-joy-ment, a different quality of life manifests around me magically.

More reports on the way, as events unfold...

tracking the muse

I realized a couple things today, starting in the rose park under a gigantic gorgeous cottonwood tree. The essential upshot is that

Adventure calls.

With my 150 lb frame, torn-up shoulders, sensitivity to insects and heat, poor economic outlook, plus experiencing the two worst experiences of food poisoning in my life, you think I might be ready to just chill out. Not even close.

I have gathered nearly all of the strength I lost during the last three months of travel, illness, poverty, cultural readjustment, and the like. My core is perhaps even stronger, and my mental viewpoint is far more enlightened through the experiences of travel.

But the US is wearing on the soul, and steals wisdom back. As much as it promises--even transformationally--I am tired of its fantasies. I am tired of listening to Benny and the Jets every day at work... music plans that never come together... playing it safe... being alone...

More importantly, I am tired of the pervasive fear that underlies all existence in the modern civilization of the northern hemisphere... the worry over things unseen and unverified... the absolute lack of real politics...

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I don't know what the adventure looks like yet. A dozen scenarios have presented themselves immediately, some near to here--yet alive in their confrontation of the postmodern illusion. Some are far away. Some are internal adventures, some relational, all juicy, all creative. Creativity is not about singing a song, it is about listening to the muse.

My lessons are derived from dissatisfaction and disaster. I have learned to heal myself from myriad illnesses and injuries by way of a focused mind; thus I have learned the power of focus. Now I know we have been dosed with radiation from Fukushima, I just don't know how much or for how long. It is at the moment far better to live in complete denial of this entire phenomenon, and so this is what you see the masses doing.

But facing the truth of things has never let me down. The mass disillusionments of childhood, the courage to see the frightening conspiracy of power in the world are no exceptions: all suffering serves a purpose to awaken us to compassionate coexistence. We will unfurl massive transformational technologies once we learn to love, for then we can apply our minds to the true tasks at hand.

This commitment of my life energy has never wavered. I have never had interest in personal dreams and anytime I have pursued them, I have been disappointed. This being the nature of our selfish culture, I do participate in nonsense in order to fit in and find some company. But I just have never really understood all this attachment to the self, to personality, to impressing people.

At the Joe, people are promoted by showing aggressive self-interest and then managing the ensuing tasks. I have no interest in that and so I have become a wall-hanging there. My interest is in being part of a team, excelling in service to others, learning, offering my talents to the collective effort. Where does that get me here? Blank stares and cross-eyed looks of confusion.

But travel to a socialist culture, a place where a revolution was fought against the imperialist world order, people whose sons and daughters were sacrificed for the cause of freedom... and suddenly you realize the world as you knew it was as upside down as you always suspected.

And it's starting to dawn on me: then there is no going back.

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Dance keeps me alive now.

Two days out of the week I am made sane by two hours of wordless, core-burning, joint-wrenching, human weightlifting in the name of beauty and touch and play. There are at least a couple dreams that arise from this blissful vibration. A couple weeks of research to see if there is any adventure path beginning right here in Santa Fe? I am impatient.

I have no home again, so what is the likelihood I will re-invest in the entirety of fitting in here? Likely it's a couple months and a couple grand and then it's game on.

It is good to know this. It is a step. But what game? Decision-making has never been the most efficient way for me to move forward, especially up here in the thin air of Santa Fe. Rather, I will do everything, take a bite of each inspiration, see which unfold, and allow commitment to arise.Yogic poly mono loving south west magic medicine jazz cajun wwoofing teaching empathic bioremediation ok?

If I stay around, be sure it'll be in maximum effort to serve and protect life, neutralizing radiation and ignorance, eradicating GMOs and greed. If I go, it is the ultimate victory of innocents, who will no longer be murdered by silent drone bombers financed by my tax dollars. Either way, a win for the Earth, a win for those comrades with the biggest hearts to share, even a win for my own aliveness.

Some people who meet me think I am very nice. Then often they are surprised and hurt by how mean I can be. I am neither of these people, but the one that shows up after all that.

At 49, I am as pissed as ever at things.

my pocky lips

the inner work that hasn't been done comes home to roost in the fullness of time: our individual karma, whatever it is, slaps us in the face

in these last moments, make right what you can, and leave the rest to Creator: no weapon or machismo will save you, only how much of your wholeness you have claimed... only how much of your selfishness you have transcended

will you be surprised when Gaia Herself rises up and whispers in your ear have you bonded with Life?

then in the final moment of existence, what words will you find, as a great force arrives in the sky, in which some will recognize the Christ, and asks you how open is your Heart?

before a genie snaps and all rushes back into the medicine bottle 

(i just hope there's a filter on that thing to keep some of the bugs out)

the shit

You didn't ask but I'll tell you how it is.

Fukushima is ongoing, much of the air of the northern hemisphere is polluted by airborne beta radiation. The contaminated water from flushing out the broken reactors has definitely reached the West coast of the US. Eating fish from the Pacific is questionable. There are 11,000 more fuel rods in harm's way, exposed and vulnerable to earthquakes the size of which are common in the area. No national or international agency is making any reasonable effort to secure this material. The federal government is covering up all serious reports of contamination, of which there are many. The federal government is relying on its own assessments and modeling, while ignoring any monitoring or testing of water or fish contamination--which would imply corporate and even governmental culpability in the disaster.

That's the tip of the iceberg. Many of us in the Global Awareness Network have a strong suspicion of radiological terrorism. With so much corruption in the ongoing process of remediation, there is likely foreknowledge as well. The pattern is familiar to 9/11 researchers. The Mossad ("by deception thou shall do war") is the obvious suspect, having introduced the Stuxnet virus to disrupt the Iranian nuclear program a year ago. All GE-model reactors are vulnerable to this virus which compromises monitoring and shutdown systems.

There are reports of minor leaks at reactors across the US the last year. There are the unexplained events in southern Michigan and northern Indiana last week, in which explosions were heard by many, a super-high radiological reading was posted, and military response was witnessed. Whatever happened is being hushed up as a false alarm, without any further explanation.

While the mind rebels at the thought, I am pretty sure chemtrails are for real as well, folks. After several weeks of bluer skies than have been seen in years, today was the most noticeable alteration of sky witnessed in some weeks over New Mexico. The subjective perception of increased confusion in interpersonal communications is my own. Yet chemtrails are offering some added protection to the shifting polarities we are witnessing on the Earth at this time, which weaken the global magnetic field and its protection. 

Friends are in all sorts of crises... injured, moving, hospitalized in intensive care, without a home, holding onto land, fighting internal poisoning from a uranium-laden well. We are all truly "in the soup".

But there is simultaneously a great reaching out going on, a true community evolving supporting one another at a basic need level, generating abundance. Three good friends are either considering moving here or are on their way. This is concomitant with a raising in awareness, and in actual life vibration, in many of us. Gratitude, love and magnetism is strong these days, especially here in New Mexico. A quick road trip shows me that Hopi lands are very strong and peaceful, greener than expected, and beautiful.

Libido is up amidst the increased stress. Tantra opportunities abound and are recommended for strengthening the chi. Prayer energy is coming through strongly and karmic process and progress are amplified. Prophecy time is here.

I think we are learning to transmute immensely novel conditions of increased radiation, through many transformational technologies... bioremediation, mycorhizzae mushrooms, chlorella and fermented foods, and increasing our vibrational field identification (chi strength). So breathe!

We are the ones we've been waiting for. Be strong, loves!

Bullshit Day Under Chemtrail Skies

Its actually a bullshit title. I'm feeling pretty good overall, but it's good to throw those who would read my pretty poetic stuff off the trail. And bring in the more jaded and sarcastic. Too, there is a level of truth to it, this squirrelly feeling I get after being in the hills when I re-enter the trafficky, wait-for-everything town of Santa Fe, with inner needs concomitantly arising in me, yet undefined...

Coming to the city, there is a pressure. It comes from a self-disconnection, in order to function in the flow-less traffic patterns. One muses that traffic could be immediately re-engineered so much better across the land, generating massive jobs and expression of human creativity. But the government, as we know, is no longer ours. It exists to serve the bankers, the illuminati elites, and itself--minion of the warlords.

It has been extremely encouraging the last month to see completely natural blue skies overhead, to an extent unseen in years. Paradigmatic changes are at hand. It is hard to say exactly where along the transition curve we are. On some prophetic level, victory has already been won. Yet we are seeing massive radiation releases into the air and water still. I can no longer eat fish from the Pacific Ocean! How tragic is this moment, that an aspect of this beautiful Gaian Earth so grand, so magnificent as the Pacific can be so poisoned by way of human folly and arrogance.

If the initial conditions for this were not themselves generated by old-guard terrorism, the massive cover-up and neglect of populace protection is evidence enough of the immorality of the leadership of this world. Is it enough of a mission for me to wander to the Middle East with the Takeuti Documents, and show the cabal they must stand down?

Ha, I thought you'd agree!

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For those of you unaware, I have taken the leap into authentic mental illness, also known as shamanic consciousness. Flaky Santa Fe has consumed me at last, a final knockout of all respectability. I have stepped off the train of modern civilization's rational approach to things, once and for all, in the last 48 hours. The ravens told me it was time.

And, alas, there is no going back, hallelujah. The world as we knew it is dead. The younger will survive better with their less-deteriorated telomeres to protect them, with a postmodern neotonous evolution likely to ensue. That is why so many are called to birthing these days even under such extreme environmental and cultural circumstances as we are witnessing.

As for me, I am happy cuddling for the most part. I suppose the 3% chance that I am to become a father soon is an interesting possibility. I am open to the Creator's Will on all that. And everything else, come to think of it.

I have been released by the overwhelming despair I feel for the world. There is nothing left to protect, no style by which to play it safe, no use in judging oneself, nowhere to hide. I dance without self-consciousness now. I feel tremendously loved, the more honestly I reach out to meet my own needs, in mutually abundant ways. What could be simpler, or more fun?

So there are these two currents at hand: the massive destruction going on, and the magnificently magical here-and-now. The incredible deterioration in the global ecosystem marks out the level of the magical and transformational technology we are being called to harness. So even these polar opposite currents ultimately harmonize.

I have no pretenses of living in this body forever. I am too busy living while I am alive in this way. Someday I will lay down and be too tired to get up. Or else I will punch some illuminati bastard in the face, and he will shoot me. It doesn't matter much either way. All this holding onto the suffering physical form was part of the final slaughter of my ego, the sudden shredding of familial contracts, the sloughing off of all roles of responsibility.

It's not that I don't feel shame, I am just no longer ashamed of the feeling. This too is part of the path, our very shortcomings a door to our wisdom.

There is no more strategizing, only this medicine we bring.

Alive

This is a bit of a personal post. I have reached out successfully to friends on some of these matters, yet feel like unpacking here. It has been quite a week.

My vacation time began a few days ago, after an exhausting nine-week run of full time work, with an inspired 4 1/2 hour drive for a blind date. I arrived depleted, but with medication, successfully negotiated an adventure in getting to know a goddess of a woman and her fascinating community of characters. The interpersonal dynamic between she and I was strong for me. It has led to some significant reckoning with myself the last few days, needs in me for greater personal clarity, commitment, discipline and strength. I hope we continue to become allies in our mutual interests in generating a healed world. Or at least finish that pool deck.

I returned by way of Burque and visited a couple friends. With money used up, I realized I would have to wait another day for the paycheck to arrive before I could consider the San Diego leg of my vacation. After sleeping 14 hours, I spent the day in Santa Fe with another close friend who is feeling overwhelmed by the possibility of losing his land to a huge balloon payment due this month to the bank. I offered empathy and support, as we moved between the cafe and the rose park. It is beautiful land, providing him a base to continue to be here and father a growing teen. Yet it is also the land that gave him the uranium poisoning of his brain and bones that he has been dealing with for a decade now. I hope Spirit finds Its way in directing the process to an appropriate outcome.

A couple other friends bought me beer in the evening, as we conversed in deep ways about farming and relational insecurities. I received some great support and reassurance from a kind woman with whom a trusting friendship is developing. The beer helped me socialize without otherwise medicating, as I sensed it might be time to take a break from that cycle I had been in for a couple weeks. Too much mellowness knocks down the fire I need to create my life with.

The paycheck arrived this morning, just in time, and I sorted out my fuzzy-headed travel plans over coffee. I still had not heard from my San Diego connections, so my drive to get there was waning. Indecisive on what to do next, I began to get really pissed with myself to just get over this wimpy phase I've been in the last three months. After the insect-ridden food-poisoning-heavy Nica travel, there has been subsequent culture shock, money woes, and physical loss of both body mass and chi. But until I saw a photo taken of me the other day, I hadn't realized how rail-thin I'd become.

I decided I would immediately invest in a yoga or tantra retreat to begin strengthening chi. I searched online and found a yoga weekend I could get to in Colorado by tomorrow. At that point, a friend visiting from back east came by the cafe. We caught up over burritos before heading out into some needed fresh air and sunshine to play some disc golf.

By the time I got back to the cafe to book the retreat, my computer blew up and I could not get online at all. I felt frustrated and began to wonder what it was all about. A resignation overcame me, which had an unexpected benefit: I felt a release of all expectations around my chi. So I considered my options: I hadn't heard from my new love interest, so I didn't see any follow-up time happening right now; San Diego wasn't carrying much juice for me; Colorado was also looking less likely. I was heading out from the cafe lot, when I received a call from my sister back on Long Island.

I knew she had recently had a fight with her boyfriend, who had called her therapist and then the police to bring her to the hospital. She has MS, which has ravaged her body and emotions. She's long lost the use of her legs, and now her upper body is fading as well. She's been in the hospital a couple weeks, while the staff supposedly looks for a nursing home for her, since the boyfriend has had enough. Well, this call was a hard update. It explained why I hadn't been able to get through to her for a couple of days.

My sister told me she had been in the ICU the night before last, as she had stopped breathing. A tube had been forced into her trachea to resuscitate her. I wonder if she has entered the last stage of her life. She is very scared, off all medications, and with her boyfriend pulling away she has no one to support her. I told her to try to meditate on something beautiful. I would look into nursing homes, find out who is coordinating her care, and would try to book a flight out to see her in the next couple days. So that is what I am doing with my vacation.

It may seem odd for me to have then gone out to ecstatic contact-improv dancing night. I needed to feel my strength, in lifting women off the floor and in dancing with abandon. I brought my visiting friend who had a great time. I gave myself to the dance, contributing to a fun evening of group energetic connection by starting with some contact right from the start. I felt my strength of core chi coming back to me, delightfully. I felt my heart open to all the other dancers, men and women. I had a healing encounter with someone I'd imagined a rift with. I cuddled playfully with a friend.

I danced because my sister cannot dance now. I danced because it is perfectly okay to love with abandon. I danced because right now, in this moment, I am alive.