Joyfield Farm

acres of hand-dug organic beds

a colorful array

you could probably eat the soil

but you don't have to--lots of other options!

yurtfolk

berry patch

homemade golf course

serious woodpile

foliage

sunset over Joyfield Farm

good friends

a lovely evening out at Joyfield farm
where I played music and caught up with good friends
shared really good food and homemade ice cream

amidst berry patches and chickens
a field-turned-golf course for the boys
and acres of hand-dug organic gardens

got some great info for getting library music gigs rolling
which is how these folks make their living
traveling and teaching

they made time tonight
on the porch outside their yurt
before their journey tomorrow to Wisconsin

-----

yesterday I met with an old friend
whose husband had passed last year

they had put me up last time i was in town
five years ago

we shared a moment of grieving
and celebration

i played music with her son-in-law
on her new deck under cicada-laden foliage

and stories began to come forth
amidst the folk music

of the good old days
some laughter and tears

as I saw my friend Mike relax
for the first time since I arrived

-----

these are good days

I have eaten freshly-picked melons
ripe cherries and apricots

peaches are coming soon
and tonight i saw

fireflies

back roads

a beautiful morning
meditating in the hills above santa fe
after sleeping under the stars

transendent afternoon
in deep conversation with a dear friend
in the shady grass of the rose park

an evening gathering of community
at the hospital where he got stitched up
after a bike accident on his way home

burque travel prep for the grinding
1200 mile trip through the alienation
of bible-belt billboard unreality

armadillos tossing cornflakes
and oats throughout my car
liberating me from delusions of sleeping
in empty 90-degree midnight campgrounds

additional motel expense
and a speeding ticket
but arriving safely

to the gentle back roads
welcoming cornfields and thick musty smells
of muggy indiana in july

tiny farmers market offering
instant community

which somehow vanishes

a sick friend is suffering
amidst confusion

and great despair

vacation day one: Santa Fe reflections

well not the worst start to a vacation

catching up on correspondence over too much yerba matte

where i saw a facebook notice from a new old friend

inspiring me to head up to santa fe

for a memorial service

for a recently deceased musical friend

i reconnected with several old buddies

in a good way

as we mourned the passing of a very creative soul

who some of them were very close to

and with whom i recall the timeless heart connection

that followed upon a particularly empathic

honest and forgiving conversation

-----

when people asked how i'm doing

i kinda shined them on

how do i describe

how my entire karass

nearly everyone i am close to in this world

is transitioning in seismic ways

preparing to leave this plane

or dramatically reckoning with its increasing density

in hospitals and on the streets

or with blood and brain disorders

why bother to talk about personal dramas

like suffering torn muscles

and miraculous healings that follow?

there is no context for anything

i am currently experiencing

-----

and how can i explain

my immense frustration

that i feel similar to a pipe carrier

of an ancient tradition few people know

that is proving vibrationally precise and powerful

in shifting manifestation around me

and offering healing

but i can barely explain even on a good day

without edging toward mania?

-----

what of my car which will likely

get me nowhere this vacation

disappointing precious hopeful-faced kids

already depressed siblings

dearest friends struggling to survive

and 30-year mentors

seeking my healing input

and who i may never see again?

-----

amidst the familiar faces i see around town

on the plaza and at the railyards

i wonder if perhaps it is part of my dharma

to make grand plans only to have them fall through

perhaps personal or generational karma

is in my way

simple ineptitude

at getting auto repair scheduled

or maybe i just struggle too much

with wanting to escape entirely

from participation in the american war machine nightmare

and the increasingly obvious indictment of the money system

in perpetuating the violence

but try explaining that

to your nine year-old niece

into the liminal

alright then

so i already committed to see my friend mike

who western medicine has given up on

and his family in indiana

and i similarly committed

in talking to my nephew

and my sister suffering from MS

nearly complete debility now

to visit new york also

and i just couldn't book the flight

i was considering to get it all done

partly out of intuition i think

and partly out of exhaustion

just considering the whole trip

-----

it's hard planning things

amidst the end of time

scheduling gets hectic

and who knows what complexities

the coming economic collapse

will add to any logistics

-----

i know i did feel a definite calling

to attend the ongoing social action

at bohemian grove this coming week

a spiritual calling

to stand with those nonviolently

bringing attention to the world's cheaters

just over in no-cal

so this has become my top priority

it's the right action at the right time

in history

to begin the denouement

to this chapter of

the emperor wearing no clothes

-----

so i've invited a couple friends along

one just sent me readings

of the huge increase in plutonium

recorded recently in california

at odds with my craving

for some nurturing beach and street time

stopping in at OB on the way

get in some camping

including up in the redwoods

maybe seeing the folks

or checking in at Hopiland on the way back

i haven't updated my plans yet with the easterners

since i fantasize that i will still have

vacation time to get back and see all of them

the following week

-----

all the while there's the subtext to the travel

of where i might transfer next

or if it is high time to just wwoof out

on a farm somewhere:

what is the truest calling

and where does yoga fit in?

it seems to me that following the first calling

is the best way to generate

the next

-----

i have given notice on the abq place

for sept 1

so while i don't have to go anywhere

in particular

it doesn't look like

i'm staying here

plans

it's time for the panic to kick in

will i get ticketed $10

for remaining in the lot

fifteen minutes too long

and then have to deal with

my inner nazi

who will always pay such nonsense

-----

or do i interrupt myself

move my car around the block

which will give me just enough time

to come back in and pack up

life just is moving too fast for me

these days

-----

i need to quit that stupid job soon

for my health

but can i afford the lack of healthcare

-----

what a stupid world i live in

i am jealous of people hugging

who aren't even in relationship

did ben really have to get down

on all fours for a grope

in the middle of my

conversation

-----

there's an alt-country song

in here

somewhere

-----

ps

i know the world is falling apart

i just can't deal with it right now

i've got plans

rain

it is probably high time i revamp this blog

get it connected with some groovy ecological networking

in honor of potlatch ideals

permaculture

devotional nativism

and the other essential yogas

that call me

-----

i continue saving enough money to travel to water

transition out of the money economy

with all its real estate delusions

of private capital

ownership of land

and the related economy

of apparent separation of phenomena leading to the option of hiding

including time that leads to karma being projected out into the future

leading to violence

impossible within

a natural maturing cultural path

or in the overlords' case

the coming dismemberment of technological structures

across the Earth

right in time to fulfill native prophecies

everywhere

dismantling capitalist monotheism

and its genocidal foundational error:

that there is such a thing as a separate self

god people race animal tree bug

or whatsoever

-----

maybe I find some graceful arcing movement

with you all

in our floating-bridge pods

of compassion

en route to a global picnic

perhaps just tumble forth

amidst radiological inundation

with patchy hair and falling teeth

hobbled with disability

on my last day here

it is of no matter

-----

welcome to the new conversation

of tantric permaculture

in mutual relationship

with the Heart of the Earth

rainbow lit

marking out the dance-floor

and shining out eternally

through everyone of these

water-connected bags

of magically-manifesting

free-energy

chakras

wasteland

i'm not quite autistic

but it is true

i do have trouble bonding with people

i know it is my own shortcoming

yet i think this has long been exacerbated

by living in the desert

where thirst

is never quenched

-----

or is my alienation due to

the prospect of never find meaningful work

amidst an empire

filled with hypocritical violence

and economic injustice

for while the yogic path offers

some promise of integration

and even service

most of my pursuits the last ten years

across this vast continental nation

have been in search of bonding

and fruitless

-----

or is it that when i rest enough

from grinding labor

to find the energies

with which i may participate with

and enjoy others

i must by the design of banking overlords

run out of the money

by which to maintain a semblance of balance

and protection

-----

there is no water here

to dissolve these matters

into solution

what little there was

vanished in the early years

of the 21st century

and with every failure

to connect with others

emotionally intellectually

romantically personally

spiritually philosophically

or ancestrally

a part of me dies

all over again

-----

it is the part that would

ever again

choose to live here

in this barren

wasteland

paths

well

i like the idea of a yogic identity

feels like a good fit to me

will it meet my desire

to generate a revolution in society

maybe not

but i wasn't getting far with that

anyway

-----

celibacy is treating me well

i've given it all up

all the chasing and hoping

the dependency of my identity

and so on

what a relief

to let go of sex

i feel way more integrated

and even sexual

because i have realized now

what i am looking for

and it is real love

not adolescent sex

and that is an important distinction

for a 48 year old

already i meet more women

because i trust my own intentions

more completely than i now realize

i wasn't

-----

sobriety suits me well also

i haven't been enjoying alcohol much

in recent years

just a big headache

slight nausea and blurriness

and never quite reaching any useful buzz

either

why bother

recently i saw twice how

it immediately brought a layer of foam

between me and my full presence

and i am no longer interested

-----

staying clean as they say

has been useful

my dreams have returned

by the hundreds every night

bringing some richness

to my otherwise mundane life

yet still if i'm going to waver anywhere

this is likely the place

i don't miss the roughness in the lungs

or the loss of self-control

deteriorating gums and bad driving

losing shit

i miss the laughter some

easy company and better music depth

but mostly what i miss is the rejuvenation

it offered me in my approach to the world

the possibilities it offered for seeing things

in a new way

and related support for re-engaging with a world

that even with a yogic disciplined beauty

i find i don't believe in anymore