it's called opening the heart

There is love in the world. In OB, it is THC-driven to a great degree. But I like it anyway. THC-wise, I just like very small doses myself. The remembrance of love, though, that is useful whatever the means. That's what I think.

I have crushes on eleven women right, as far as I can count. They live everywhere, and none of them are realistic in the slightest. Two are just too young, two I don't really know (and are too young), two dancers, a lesbian couple (who would be too young anyway), okay that makes eight but anyway...

I don't believe in realism. The only life I care about anymore is the dream world. The worlds of imagination and intention.

Oh yeah, and hugs.

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I like long lazy hugs with stoner gals. I like walking with new acquaintances, or old friends, 'cuz that's just what you do there. Seeing what people are into, talking about transformation as it arises, drinking coffee, and visiting the water. That's OB.

Farmers' market takes over Wednesdays, and tastings rule the day. I ended up unintentionally buying way too much. But it was fun.

Music was good, good for me to play at all again. Remember a couple inspirations. Being inside so much was odd, with a goofy landlady deal going on, and rust being sanded off of railings everywhere all day.

But 50 feet to the steps down to the cliffs, and paths to watch the ocean's sacred moonlit dances with the rocks!

I saw a friend from back when, who owns no shoes and still sleeps on the pier. I made new friends at the coffee shop, and hung with an old one from there too. I unexpectedly saw the young lady I was so in love with last year. It was sweet and unstressful, but I do worry about her health...

I could go on.

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It was community for a few days. I don't know if I could afford it out there. I'm already so done with TJs. But I really mean affording the luxuriousness of the lifestyle. I would inevitably smoke too much again, and get all goofed up. Try and improvise. See if I can not burn through my road stake so fast.

I know my work too, or at least I think I do. Why is it so hard to manifest? Is it possible that simply belonging to community is the greatest contribution I can make?

Probably so. It's a good start.

midnight prayer

i love the ocean and it is good to be with it

the medicine smoked here is painful for me

in these quantities of daily use

i become dull and less capable on the surface

while my natural nervous yang emotional abundance

goes inside so I don't sleep well

-----

i even lose the prayer path

it comes around again as i intensify my focus

often with renewed gratitude and gift

but there is the moment of delay

when my head must detoxify

and the universe feels like such a lonely place

-----

may this vulnerability

open my heart

oddly closed these last months

so that it may unfurl

amidst contribution

to a community

in which it may belong

gifting this nervous energy

its work

of devotion

urban existence

each week

now offers a solid block of 90 hours
free from work

while my 4-day block of work
spans 78 hours

i am resting a great deal
dissipating a bit too much

while i watch my head readjust
to the idea that the primary focus of life

is not to work
but rather

to live

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i am curious

will my spirit and body
come back into balance

without one pushing the other mercilessly
and the other no doubt filling with resentment

will this rebellious chi
return to the fold

and give me something to work with
on these long long weekends

a hobby even
a yoga class?

-----

or will i just become another pale burque ghost
shuttered in his basement all winter

saggy of skin
paranoid of the light of day

where too long overworked
the fire is found retired

to burn only in the dark of nothingness

leaving me chronically ill and dorkish
with vegan dyspepsia

certainly frightened
of any and all relationships

new economy

ah yes
the blog

is there a revolution going on

i moved back to the city
so i get to see it today

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every day's a miracle
it's the new post-Jekyll Island economy:

Turtle Island Economics

contribution
play, love, fun

mutuality, healing, barter, chi, giveaway, labor, growing, trade
free education, shared presence, yoga in the park

-----

an infinite number
of micro-economies make up

the abundance that is life

gathering fruit, nuts, pickling vegetables, gardening, ritual, bliss sharing, tea in public places, gifting, picnicking, kombucha

what could you possibly need

-----

a bucket of water once in a while

tolerable part-time work with abundant time off, a cheap place to crash, room-and-board trades, friends, an orientation to serve others, good vibes, green grass to walk on, a stove to cook with

a bike

maximizing flow experience, with opportunities to love in the ten thousand ways that are the way of my Beloved

Tao