aikido sucks

my stuff's a mess

my car's not legal

exes are circling

in order to sneer at me

or through a third party

reminding me of their disgust

-----

my car's named gangsta

things are just broken in a certain way

karma is in the air

processing sibling issues

with a near stranger

and seeking to match subpersonas

with a lovely gal

living with someone

a thousand miles away

-----

acquisition of the gangsta

allowed memories to rise

of being bullied in childhood

maybe i'll take up aikido

i hate aikido

-----

i am a boor

an italian hillbilly

i just can't take this culture anymore

let me farm far away

from the circus

this stunning unreality

of so many

and if you are watching

the wedding

i am not speaking to you either

predictably else

i am utterly hopeless

a ridiculous middle aged man

with such a young man's curiosity

about everyone

i can barely think

-----

not every day is fabulous

but things are working out

for the best

the world is collapsing

and all is being revealed

in its true beauty

-----

i saw today how horrific Life is

its like those shamanic dismemberment

depictions

we are frankensteins all

yet we find each other beautiful

and beyond this wonder

there is the utter Dinive compassion

that is implicit in transforming

initial carnivorous brain-eating activities

into sex

and that is Creator as Goddess

-----

my essential calling is empathy

at which i am most gifted

and an utter failure

fortunately i generally get to try again

after i nearly launch myself

a wolf at someone's jugular

that vein running to

our big fat heads

-----

really it's all the world needs from me

ecology heals itself believe it or not

although She sure must appreciate

collective loving intention

cosmic machinations

and grand manipulations are work

for others further along

i'll hold the job and feed the kids

or something

in general

what is the day's conversation?

how much fear is in the world

how much suffering and projection

illness and self-deceit?

i think not

-----

i am in the cafe

which i find has an especially excellent vibe

on an anonymous monday evening

there is some awesome languid music on

trippy yet danceable

middle eastern type grooves

and a lovely female voice lilting through

i am also noticing all the summery green

bursting into notice-me life

all over the hood

again

hallelujah

i was wondering if this one was going to make it

-----

the system is tangibly crumbling

before our very eyes

all i can think about is

where to move next

transfer

or leave-of-absence

wwoof through some exotic land

hell

if it's all gonna blow soon

i want to be out of the way

and already in an improvisational

circumstance

-----

relationships are almost completely random now

one day i'm in this one

the next that one

but no one dare call such behavior

polyamory

no that would be somehow too unrealistic

or immoral or idealistic

my amor happens to blend with

my idealism it is true

and with friendship and compassion

and the Earth

so sue me

funny thing explaining that to people

cuz then i say

i am looking for my Beloved

further baffling the situation

of course

baffling raven

-----

i could move to argentina

soon

that is for sure

a chileno told me today

that argentina is rooted in

italian culture

a fact heretofore

dimly perceived

i think wwoofing is likely

burque has its moments

but like much of america

increasingly random weirdness

life at the end of empire

-----

i don't need much

a comfortable bed

something useful to do with my day

and occasional home cooking

something interesting enough

to be beautiful

like a tree

someone to care about

and someone to care about me

in any given moment

i'm up for either

-----

i think people seek solace in these times

a woman is the whole world

all her landscapes and seasons

and that is why love

is so perfect

of course it takes work to be happy

there are a million forms of love

from empathy to

chasing an ice cream truck

i just want to be as loving

in relationship

as i am to friends

and strangers

stamina for the bliss

what else can i say about suffering and bliss

yesterday lovely, today just hard

i have talked enough about the story of my day

tomorrow i bike to work across town at 5 am

ain't no time for a toothache

so forget that

i crave comfort

-----

i still am homeless in a way

tried to upgrade from the van

to a sedan today

get mobile toward more road trips west

and it's all broke

so i'll carry on try to fix it whatever

it's a strange world

but i try to take things less personally

win some lose some

it's all a sacrifice anyway

-----

am grateful to be gathering some meaning

about how complex it is

to drop back into the system

after dropping out

even momentarily

health care coverage

a ride

and everything else that matters

so corrupted by profiteers

as to squeeze the space for being human

for maintaining community

contributing

staying alive

-----

home matters

knowing where things are

community matters more

prayer matters

maybe most of all

and doing the things that keep our souls alive

amidst the schlock

including contributing to someone

something better

than all this

-----

remember this life is at least

as full of wonder and heaven

as it is this hell and drudgery

look at the trees

still blooming just so

with barely a drop of rain in four months

hear the birds

find your breath

it may be all we have

it is enough

-----

there is bliss after despair

so let us develop

stamina for the bliss